What Obedience Really Means
I had worn some kind of title, some kind of position of authority, since a few months after I started going to the church I now attend some 12 years ago. I had always felt a call to do the work of the ministry. And then I became a momma. And it wasn’t just the cut-and-dry you are a mom now, no more work for you. It was when I felt the pull of home against the pull of work, my relationship with God came unraveled. This task-oriented, over-achiever had built so much of her relationship around doing, and now I couldn’t do very much.
I defined myself by what I did.
When you are stripped of what you think gives you worth, you discover your worth in God's eyes. And sure, God is all about ministry. But ministry does not equal relationship. Ministry without relationship goes by another name: religion. And a minister without relationship goes by another name: pharisee.
And what made me a religious pharisee??
The fear of man over the fear of God.
“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.” Matthew 6:24
Grant it this verse is referring to wealth, but I think the truth here applies to approval as well. I was serving man’s approval--my own desire to be wanted, and trying my little heart out to build my own place in the world. So long as I preferred to serve my own ambition and my need to not face rejection, I couldn’t truly serve God.
I have always had this need to be seen, to be liked. (I talk more about this here). I remember driving through the industrial section of my town, the road stretching on with cold steel frame buildings, logoed trucks, tractors, and one bar called “The Watering Hole.” Men at work. And I cried out to God, revealed the most vulnerable, raw part of myself… what if I walk away from it all, and no one sees me, no one cares about me, no one wants to know me? What if I lose this place and discover there is no place for me?
God’s soft voice kept playing on repeat: Find your place in Me, Amanda. Find your place in Me.
Through tears, I released. I let go. I surrendered. I jumped into my fearful unknown—being a nobody.
I jumped hoping God would catch me, hoping I would have a place in Him after all.
It’s been almost a year—a year of walking with God, knowing Him, and being known. A year of finding myself in my Father’s eyes. A year of stripping away the things that I defined myself by and allowing God to define me.
The biggest gift this past year? I can honestly say that I love God, I might even be able to say I love Him more than anything.
More than anything.
Obedience isn’t about what you do FOR God. Obedience is doing WITH God.
Obedience flows from a place of love and humility. Obedience is abandoning your own way. Obedience is leaning in close to hear God’s plans.
Obedience starts at square 1: knowing that God loves you and you don’t have to do anything to earn that love.
And square 2?: You falling in love with God—knowing God—finding your place in God.
It’s abiding in Him and that apart from Him you can do nothing.
It’s simply knowing God.
And the only way to get to know Him? Spending time with Him. Allowing Him to have a place in every part of your life. Reading His Word. Not just talking but listening.
“No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15
Do you hear Him calling? That still quiet voice. Come away with me. Come taste and see that I am good. Come and know me, know my ways. Find your place in me.
Do you struggle with wanting people’s approval more than God’s??
Amanda