When You Just Have No Clue Where You Are Going

One night I was driving home from work. I had worked late, waitressing well past closing at a restaurant in the city. I was 20 at the time, living with my parents. They lived in a small town with zero stop lights and a liquor store named “The Boondocks.” (The name of the store might be a good indication they were at least one half hour from a real grocery store and modern civilization).

This particular night was foggy.

The fog had rolled in thick. White clouds like swamp monsters clung to asphalt and farmland. Visibility: the end of my nose. The stars weren’t visible. The ground wasn’t visible. The fences surrounding the pastures weren’t even discernible.

I felt claustrophobic. Trapped. Just me and my thoughts and this hope that there wouldn’t be a stopped car in front of me or a stray cow in the road. Something about not being able to see made me feel desperate, irrational, like I wanted to put the pedal to the floor and get out of there as quickly as I could. I longed for a break in the fog. CLARITY! To know I was where I was. To see something familiar.

The only way I could see to drive was to open my car door and find the middle line. If the middle went from being one solid and one dashed set of lines to being two solid I knew there was either a stop sign, a cross street, or a sharp turn just ahead.

Yes. It was that bad. And I had to get home… unless I wanted to sleep in my car in eerie swamp-monster covered land. I didn’t.

My 30 minute drive became a 100 minute drive.

(I wonder if one realizes when they think of glorious California with its ocean sunsets and ski resorts and Napa wine country, the low lying areas of California have a slight weather problem from October to March: fog.

It’s okay though. I’ll take fog over 95 degrees and 100 percent humidity any day, Midwest. Amen.)

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Has your life ever felt like this?

Groping through the dark? Swimming in pea-soup fog, completely unsure of what God is doing and what you should be doing?

My life has felt like this since March—when we moved, my church moved (and merged with another church), and my husband starting working as a cop.

I have no idea what God wants me to do, where He wants me planted. And I don’t know what He wants to do in my family.

I’ve been antsy. Claustrophobic. I want the fog to clear and to just know. Wouldn’t it be great if God always spoke through writing in clouds and a booming voice, “Thus sayeth the Lord, thou shalt walk in this direction, go to this church, make this your ministry. Amen.”?!!

But He usually doesn’t.

Sometimes God is the yellow line on the road. Go slowly. Lean in close and I will guide you… one step at a time. I want you close so I can work on you, heal you. And I want you close so we can be close. I am doing a work I don’t want you to see just yet. Would you trust me?

Would you trust Him?

I sought wisdom a few months back from a life coach. (Um, can I just highly recommend this if you are ever in a confusing season of your life? If you live in my area, I’d be happy to share mine! She’s amazing.) She gave me this bit of wisdom, probably more eloquently, but it was something like this: Stay where you are. Walk slowly. Lean in to Christ. It might take weeks, months, maybe even years, but I promise the fog will clear. Get to the places where you find healing, hold onto the things that give you life. And wait.

Wait.

It’s hard, right? I want to know, and now, thank you. I’d like to plan for tomorrow, God, so if you could just kindly clue me in?!

I keep thinking I know what God is doing so I jump ahead and then find myself realizing I just need to walk in step with Christ. I am learning how much I like to be in control and how little I have, in fact, surrendered to God. The thing is: I don’t need to guess what's ahead. I don’t even need to know what’s ahead.

I can trust God.

And really, if I learned one thing that night in the dense fog it’s that the only way to get through those places where you can’t see 3 feet in front of you, is to move slowly and look at where you are now--those yellow guiding lines. God will guide you. You might not see what’s in front of you, but I promise you He is right beside you.

Photo Credit

Have you ever been in a foggy place where you just had no clue what God was doing? How did it turn out?

By Grace,

Amanda Conquers

Pssst… Dude. We are doing a one-week series next week. I am excited for it. Hint: I am bringing in the professionals for something I really need help with (and maybe women everywhere.) More hints and details to come!

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