How Suffering Strengthens Obedience {A Guest Post}



Today I have the honor of welcoming Melanie into this space. I am so excited to introduce you to her. I love her writing because of her fresh prespective, her honesty, and her way of seeing God in the everyday. When I met her in person at the Allume conference, I instantly felt she was a kindred spirit. She is meek and gentle and speaks with such love. I love reading what she writes... I think you will too ;)

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My favorite chair beckons. It’s been prepared, an afghan, my journal and my chai. I give God what must have been an obligatory question, “what should I write on?” But my thoughts have already marched down a path and I’d just like Him to come along. He blocks my marching.

Write on Suffering and Obedience.

“I think that’s a great idea. But you see, God, it will be posted on a Friday. I was really thinking of something lighter. Maybe more… cheerful?”

Do you believe that trials and waiting and sorrow have been part of you knowing me?

“Well, yes. It has been part of my story. My journey. The place where you intimately shaped me.”

And do you think that has led to greater trust in Me?

“Absolutely. A trust in your goodness and comfort. But you see, I’m writing on someone else’s blog.”

No response

“And well, I don’t want them to think I’m weird.”

I imagine He smiles. He doesn’t need to say much more. It rings true. This long walk through life that He and I have had. 

“Father, the trials in my life have indeed led to greater trust in you. As we have wrestled, surrendered and wrestled some more. You have gotten bigger, out of my safe box. And with trust and love growing, so has my desire to obey you.”
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A snapshot of our dialogue. Of living out, will I choose to be obedient? When he whispers. When he stirs up a storm. And in the moments when my heart and mind debate, these following stories cross my radar. 

The first from a memory. It’s Valentine’s Day 1999. We’ve only been dating a few weeks. All the restaurants are booked and so he creates a makeshift one of our own. In his mechanical engineering lab at his grad school. Blankets cover equipment and air flow tunnels. A crock pot simmers. Candles and flowers. Two tickets to a Big Ten basketball game after dinner. All the ways to my heart.

A few tears come when I realize I’m not remembering this story because it’s Valentine’s Day next week. I’m remembering it for the gift. A book. Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. It’s an allegory of the Christian journey. Much-Afraid travels far from her family, The Fearings, to the high places of the great Shepherd. Her companions on the journey are Sorrow and Suffering.

“The Lord makes my feet like hinds’ feet and sets me upon High Places.”
Psalm 18:33 and Habakkuk 3:19

I won’t include any spoilers- if you haven’t read it, I couldn’t encourage you more to pick up a copy!  The journey she takes is transformational, abounding in love. A story of obedience accompanied by Sorrow and Suffering. Obedience that changes not only fears and hearts, but also bestows them with new names.

I loved the book when I first read it. How little did I know that her journey would be similar to ours in our hopes to be parents. Traveling every month with Sorrow and Suffering. Constant companions in our labor to bring new life. Wanting to walk with the Shepherd but wondering why some days he seemed around the bend, out of ear shot. 

The second is a poem that a friend shares.

The Well of Grief

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief

turning down to its black water
to the place that we cannot breathe

will never know
the source from which we drink
the secret water cold and clear

nor find in the darkness
the small gold coins
thrown by those who wished for something else

~ David Whyte ~

I first came across this poem several years ago. We were in the midst of having had several miscarriages. I’m sure you can identify with grief being a “place that we cannot breathe”.  But that is also the place where we discover the “source from which we drink” and we find riches that can only be found when we go there. I had not thought of these words in many years. And they come back in God’s way and timing.

That these two stories come across my path amazes me. They catch my breath because I suddenly become aware that God is very much with us. He gives both confirmations that this is what to write about. Then he gives the content too.

He focuses me back on the beauty of which suffering unveils. The losses, disappointments and trials of life become means of grace. Walking these paths produces obedience. However walking the path is not my first reaction. I tend to go one of two ways when trials detour me.


  1. I give up. I deny the very desires God has placed in me. I try to look like a good Christian, a false sense of trust. “I should have known better.” “I never really wanted to be a mom.” “I am just fine, God is in control.”
  2. I strive. I decide to make things happen at all cost. I run ahead and help God out. “If I just work harder and try more.” “I deserve to be a mom.” “Good things come to those who go out and get them.”


But what is the way that God invites? Wait. And He will lift me up. 

Still enough that my soul feels the weight, the sadness, the injustice. Letting layers and platitudes go, so that my heart breaks.

Bringing all of the shards of a broken heart and disappointment and confusion of dreams lost to the only one who has strength enough to hold it. Knowing that to Him, my questions are never too much. My tears are never rejected.

Seeking his face, that is where my obedience lies. Not pretending. Not fearing. 

Letting him restore me. That is where my obedience grows. 

Obedience connected back to the life giving vine. Letting him know we are dying inside while we tell the world we are doing fine. Letting him give,  out of the vastness of his resources. Connecting back  to him when we have no strength left. 

We bring him our hearts. Not sugar coated. Not what we think we ought to bring. In this obedient space crafted by sorrow, this is where we can begin “to run in the paths of his commands for he has set our hearts free.” (Psalm 119:32)

This is where we long for the day where “sorrow and sighing will flee and gladness and joy will overtake them.” (Isaiah 35:10)

This is the soul expanding place where obedience shines in its reward and joy takes the stage.

Thank you Amanda for opening your space! It’s fun to come over and notice God together in this journey of Crazy Obedience.




Melanie writes at Blue Marble God on noticing God in everyday life. She’s a pastor’s wife who loves exploring life with her husband Rob, embracing motherhood via adoption to Samuel and drinking chai.

{top image credit}

What if God Asks Me to do Something Weird?!



 
I was in Marshall’s with my sister admiring little girls’ clothes. We were laughing atwith each other.

A noise breaks through the sound of our own laughter—yelling. I hear it coming from different locations in the store.

As the intensity of the noise increases, fear rises in my heart.

“Do you hear that? What is that noise, Kelly?”

I look around and see about a dozen full grown Latino men in flannel and dickies, some sporting tear drop tattoos (what we call cholo-wear in California. In case this is specific to California, allow me to educate you: cholo is slang for latino gangster). The men are shouting. A few have megaphones. They are all over the store.

I'd spent enough time living in this world to firmly believe that we either needed to duck underneath the clothes racks or run for the exits.

My heart is racing. My fight or flight responses have kicked it into high gear.

Run? Or Hide?

“Dude, Kelly. We need to get out of here now.”

And then I hear it:
“I just want to tell you Jesus loves you.”

One of the supposed “cholos” hands me a flyer to an event.  And then he tells me. “We’re just here to tell you Jesus loves you.”

I am stunned. I don’t want his flyer. I don’t want his Jesus. I don’t want anything he’s offering. I just want out of that store and maybe a brown paper bag to breathe into.

The men were kicked out of the store. As I watched them parade through the parking lot, I saw innocent shoppers briskly power-walking into the stores, hanging their heads, just trying to be invisible to the army of ex-cholo Jesus-lovers. I was perplexed. Is that you God? Is that how You want to be made known? Does that really work?

God didn’t give me an answer. I got the distinct feeling it was between the zealous ex-gangsters and God. 

But it did get me thinking.

I want to make Christ known. I want to bury my life to see Christ raised up in me. I want to be that foolish thing that confounds the wise if that’s what it takes. I want to see God move through me so that the only explanation of how it worked is the power of God.

I will be foolish. But I really, really don’t want to be weird.

I don’t want slam through a department store armed with a megaphone because, to be quite frank, it’s obnoxious and it scares people. I don’t want to stand on a crate on a street corner declaring, “The end of the world is near. Turn and repent from your wicked ways.” I don’t want to pray really loudly in tongues for a waitress in the middle of her shift, trying to exert my hands in such a way that she will be “slain in the spirit”—in the middle of a busy restaurant when she reluctantly let me pray for her. (True story. I was that waitress.)

But at the same time, I want to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Because, really, who am I to judge whether or not God asked someone to do any of those things I consider weird?? If but one person comes to know Christ as a result… isn’t it worth it? And shouldn’t I be willing, if God asked it of me? Who am I to do all the sense-making anyways? Aren’t God’s ways beyond our own?

So I have been praying through a list of things that could clarify at least in our own hearts the difference between foolish and weird.

Foolish:

  • Foolish is abandoning the fear of man.
  • Foolish is going lower instead of higher.
  • Foolish is seeking to be last instead of first.
  • Foolish is upside down.
  • Foolish doesn’t make human-sense.
  • Foolish is hiding yourself in God.
  • Foolish is refusing to make a name for yourself, but rather bringing glory to His name.


Weird is actually the opposite.

Weird:

  • Weird wants attention.
  • Weird thinks there is a formula to the power of God. It tries to manufacture what only God can do.
  • Weird actually makes sense to the weirdo.
  • Weird is uncomfortable in one’s own skin and overcompensating for it.  
  • Weird wants to be important, recognized.

{Bottom line: The difference between foolish and weird is really found in the motives of my heart. Pride seems to have a funny way of discoloring faith put into action. The best way to avoid being weird is to simply walk in step WITH Jesus.}


What do you think? Anything to add to the lists? And then the big question, can you abandon fear and reason and do whatever God would ask of you??


Looking forward to some conversation on the matter.


By Grace,
Amanda



To read all the posts in this series, click the graphic.

What Obedience Really Means




I had worn some kind of title, some kind of position of authority, since a few months after I started going to the church I now attend some 12 years ago. I had always felt a call to do the work of the ministry. And then I became a momma. And it wasn’t just the cut-and-dry you are a mom now, no more work for you. It was when I felt the pull of home against the pull of work, my relationship with God came unraveled. This task-oriented, over-achiever had built so much of her relationship around doing, and now I couldn’t do very much.

I defined myself by what I did.

When you are stripped of what you think gives you worth, you discover your worth in God's eyes. And sure, God is all about ministry. But ministry does not equal relationship. Ministry without relationship goes by another name: religion. And a minister without relationship goes by another name: pharisee.

And what made me a religious pharisee??

The fear of man over the fear of God.


“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.” Matthew 6:24


Grant it this verse is referring to wealth, but I think the truth here applies to approval as well. I was serving man’s approval--my own desire to be wanted, and trying my little heart out to build my own place in the world. So long as I preferred to serve my own ambition and my need to not face rejection, I couldn’t truly serve God.

I have always had this need to be seen, to be liked. (I talk more about this here). I remember driving through the industrial section of my town, the road stretching on with cold steel frame buildings, logoed trucks, tractors, and one bar called “The Watering Hole.” Men at work. And I cried out to God, revealed the most vulnerable, raw part of myself… what if I walk away from it all, and no one sees me, no one cares about me, no one wants to know me? What if I lose this place and discover there is no place for me?

God’s soft voice kept playing on repeat: Find your place in Me, Amanda. Find your place in Me.

Through tears, I released. I let go. I surrendered. I jumped into my fearful unknown—being a nobody.

I jumped hoping God would catch me, hoping I would have a place in Him after all.

It’s been almost a year—a year of walking with God, knowing Him, and being known. A year of finding myself in my Father’s eyes. A year of stripping away the things that I defined myself by and allowing God to define me.

The biggest gift this past year? I can honestly say that I love God, I might even be able to say I love Him more than anything.

More than anything.

Obedience isn’t about what you do FOR God. Obedience is doing WITH God.

Obedience flows from a place of love and humility. Obedience is abandoning your own way. Obedience is leaning in close to hear God’s plans.

Obedience starts at square 1: knowing that God loves you and you don’t have to do anything to earn that love.

And square 2?: You falling in love with God—knowing God—finding your place in God.

It’s abiding in Him and that apart from Him you can do nothing.

It’s simply knowing God.

And the only way to get to know Him? Spending time with Him. Allowing Him to have a place in every part of your life. Reading His Word. Not just talking but listening.


“No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15


Do you hear Him calling? That still quiet voice. Come away with me. Come taste and see that I am good. Come and know me, know my ways. Find your place in me.


Do you struggle with wanting people’s approval more than God’s??


By Grace,
Amanda

The Best Place to Start a Topic Like Obedience...



Today marks the beginning of a series called Crazy Obedience. You can read more about this series here, here, here, or here (just click one, it’s the same post located at different blogs). As a reminder there is a giveaway going on that ends tonight at midnight, so if you were wanting a chance at winning, do sign up!

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Photo Credit, words added by me

I feel hesitant to write on such a big topic… and one so widely spoken on and written about. But I know deep down in my knower, that this is exactly where I must start this series.

God's Love.

Vast. Immeasurable. Big. Wide. Deep. Unfathomable.


“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:18-19, NLT


I think of my kids. I remember potty training Addy: 9 months long and a whole lot of tears. And my daughter may have been stubborn. And she may have gotten it wrong for what seemed like a really long time. But my love never wavered. My patience was tested, my vocabulary was improved (because let’s not even go there with the things I really wanted to say after the 5th accident in one day), but my love was constant, steadfast, and immovable.

God’s love is like that. Constant. Steadfast. Immovable. You can’t earn it. Try to be worthy of it. You just have it.

I think this truth is a really important place to start in the pursuit of crazy obedience. Here’s my reasons:

  1. You need to know that if you never do anything of any significance for God—never lead a soul to Christ, never lay hands on the sick, never give a large sum of money to the church—you and God can still be okay. This is not me saying to sit back on your blessed assurances and never do anything for the cause of Christ. This is me saying that you can’t earn God’s love. So often, the zeal of doing for Christ can warp into this “look at me and how much I am doing for God.” I say this because our own pride will turn wanting to live for Christ into a contest of accomplishments. 
  2. In remembering how much God’s loves me, I remember how much God loves everyone. The gang banger, the homeless beggar, the prostitute, the transvestite, the prisoner… and God doesn’t label them. He just loves.  
  3. One of my pastor friends had this on his facebook wall (I so swooped. Thanks Nathan!): You cannot give what you have not received. If you haven’t received God’s love, how can you share it??


Above all else, God wants your heart. Not your achievements.

God chooses to use us… earthen clay vessels so that we can testify to the surpassing greatness of God. God doesn’t need us. He chooses us. Your achievements mean nothing if you can’t manage to live knowing God.


“You’ll protest, ‘But we’ve known you all our lives!’ only to be interrupted with his abrupt, ‘Your kind of knowing can hardly be called knowing. You don’t know the first thing about me’.” Luke 13:26-27, MESS

Sometimes I can be a little type-A, and I totally struggle with trying to earn God's love. Sometimes I get wrapped up in people pleasing and in trying to add to my list of acheivements so that I look okay to everyone else. But what freedom is found in this simple message: God loves me and doesn't need me to do anything! God rewarded Mary who sat at His feet and got to know Him over Martha who toiled over cleaning and preparing and doing.

I stand back in awe of God. His deep Love; His upside-down, last-will-be-first kingdom; and the invitation to know--really know--the God of the universe.

Wow. We are offered the chance to KNOW Him.


So, I guess the question is: do you KNOW God? And do you know how much God loves you?



By Grace,

Amanda




Want to read more posts on this series? Click the graphic.

If you would like to take the 30 day challenge to grow in obedience (and what it really means to follow Christ), you can sign up to join the facebook group here. 

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I Might Just Burst with Excitement! {An Announcement}

Today I have the honor and privilege of kicking off a month-long series at some dear friends' blogs.

And I am doing the series here too.

And I really want you to do the series with me.

I've been praying and fasting and preparing for this for a few months. YEEE!

I'm a little (yeah, okay, A LOT) excited about all this.

So, would you join me at one of these places so I can tell you all about it?? (There's a familiar testimony, a challenge, a chance to learn how to really follow Jesus with a bunch of heart-sisters from all over, AND a giveaway.)


See you in a few ;)

By Grace,
Amanda

When Your Life Changes


On Monday, our lives changed.


Mike was sworn in. He is officially in law enforcement.

It was a proud moment. There were tears when I pinned his badge (I nearly turned into a heaving, ugly-cry, sobbing mess) and again when I shook the hand of the captain who was in charge of hiring.

Being a copper's wife was definitely not on my radar when we married. In fact, I am fairly certain I had written a list of things I would never marry--cop was at the very top.

But here we are, starting this journey. God has been gracious enough to give me five years to adjust to the idea. I've seen my husband's heart grow with a passion for the law and the way God uses men and women to bring peace to people in their lowest moments and most difficult trials.

I know my life, my children's lives, my husband's life has been forever changed. I admit to being terrified. How rough will our marriage be? What will it be like for our kids growing up with a dad who sees the hardest parts of life on a daily basis? Will my husband change so much that I hardly recognize him? Will he be okay? What if he is injured {or worse} in the line of duty? All these questions, but I sense the very real presence of God. I AM, and I AM WITH YOU. I am choosing to trust God in spite of unknowns.


I am surrendered and taking it one day at a time, and, you know, I am excited too.

Also, I would like to note that I discovered I am now married to a man in uniform. And I think he looks pretty dang good in one ;)

I would love to know if you are in a high-stress, life-on-the-line career or married to someone who is?? Any advice to offer this rookie wife??


By Grace,
Amanda


Warrior Scars




I need to say something.

It’s a little off my normal topics. I may even need to use off-color language. 

I read this article found on a blog that an old acquaintance had mentioned as being hilarious. I am sure it was meant to be funny… one of those “here’s me be super real and in a funny way so that you can feel more normal about yourself” kind of things. This woman talked about the state of her body after having 4 children: gravity-stricken and shriveled breasts, the state of her “lady town,” her muffin-top tummy, varicose veins... 

And yep, this stuff is all a part of growing older and having children.

But I gotta be honest. As I was reading this, it made me angry.

If your husband was to go to war and come home with scars, would you love him more or less??

Why is it that when we do this crazy bold thing—carry life in our bellies, push that life out into the world in the most excruciating and courageous way, nourish our babies from our very own breasts—somehow we think ourselves less beautiful???

We carry life! We nourish life. We raise life, mold it and shape it. And when we look in the mirror and see our fluffy bellies, our C-section scar, our saggier breasts, our dark circles under our eyes, the veins on our legs, our stretch marks... somehow all we see is ugly?!?! We can’t see the battle scars, the marks of an overcomer, a warrior woman?! Blessed with children? Blessed with life? 

We see our perineal scars, our bladder that never works the same, our stretched out hoo-hoo… and somehow see ourselves as LESS than what we used to be… less deserving of the love of our man?! Somehow more insecure?

Um…

You catching my drift?!

You, dear one, are beautiful. No, not young, and not without scars. But your age is your royal garment, your children are your crown.

As mothers, we make a mark on the world—one we make with our own bodies, on our own bodies. We give life. We carry it, birth it, nourish it, stay up all hours of the night comforting it, we instill Jesus, kiss boo-boos, teach how to live. We! Women! How crazy amazing and beautiful is our high calling?! 

{Psst… Please don’t hear me as putting down anyone who would choose to work away from the home, or that motherhood is somehow the end all high calling and there is no other.}

Somehow our society likes to separate the hard parts about life from the gifts that come with it, slap a label on the complaining and call it “being real,” and make it scary, ugly, horrifying. I hear women adamantly refusing to breastfeed because of what it might do to their bosoms, women terrified to age, women actually opting for the 3+ week recovery time of a c-section just so everything stays tight in their lowers… Women who are terrified of being ugly. 

Women who think age and child-bearing is ugly.

Is this not upside down?! Twisted?! Horrible?!  Maybe even narcissistic?!

Could we please stop allowing society to feed us the lies of what beautiful looks like?

Could we please start seeing ourselves as beautiful, sexy, strong warriors again?!

I know there are some underlying society issues that could take some of the blame: like single parenthood, divorce rate, pornography addiction epidemic to name a few. And I’m not exactly sure what the answer is. But perhaps, it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea to start by seeing our God-given gifts in our scars and passing this feeling of self-worth, this warrior-woman, look-at-what-I-get-to-do spirit onto our daughters… for didn’t the greatest gift the world ever received leave behind scars?

{By the way, remind me I wrote this when I get closer to my 30th birthday milestone. I may need to remember this again when I start to complain of aging and gray hairs and a slowing metabolism.}


{Could I just add a little clarification in case this isn’t super clear? I really want to make sure you hear my heart: it’s not to stir up controversy; it’s not to make a woman feel terribly who doesn’t want children or chooses not to breastfeed. Really, my heart is just to offer a different perspective through which to see your postpartum body—that you are beautiful, a warrior, worthy of honor.}


Alright, your turn. What do you think??

By Grace,
Amanda