Of Dogs, Fishing Poles, and Awkward Christian Dating {Part 1}

Next week I am celebrating my 8

th

anniversary. I was thinking back through my memories of relationships before I fell in love with my husband and how fortunate I am that I often had some kind of awkward situation that would end a relationship prematurely. This is a story of one of those awkward situations and one good reason I am grateful for the man I married.

I was just shy of eighteen. I was newly on-fire for God and the most consuming thought I had involved meeting “the one.” You know that one amazing guy that God would have in store for me… a love story of epic proportions where we would “just know” and go riding off into the sunset and live happily ever after?

Yeah.

At the end of my senior year, I met a guy named Ryan at my college placement exams. He was leaned up against the railing outside the modular room during our break. He was handsome with his messy brown hair, big brown eyes and a sporty physique. I might have been too shy to talk to him, but then I noticed his shirt: Jesus Saves.

He’s a Christian!

(Okay, and with that thought I was also thinking he could be “the one.” Yes. I was so that girl.)

Our conversation led us to naturally do what any two zealous young Christians who were crazy about the opposite sex but had just read

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

by Josh Harris would do…

we met for a Bible study.

We met weekly at a Starbucks all through the summer before my freshman year of college.

We would read the same passage of scripture through the week and take turns leading the discussion. Sometimes we would bring other people, but most of the time, it was just the two of us. Ryan and Amanda.

One day towards the end of the summer, I was complaining to Ryan about the 2 miles I had to drive down a dirt road to get anywhere.

At the time, my parents were renting a house in the middle of a pear orchard (and the middle of nowhere for that matter) while they were waiting for their house to be built.

As I began describing the house, I mentioned it’s location: right on a branch of the Sacramento River.

Ryan’s eyes lit up. “Wait. You live next to the river?”

 “Yeah. Like right on the river. Like I could walk outside, pick up a rock, and throw it into the river.”

His big brown eyes got even bigger. “Dude! Do you fish it?”

I told him how my family didn’t fish. He paused and then looked at me a little sheepishly, “Could I come fish?”

As calmly as a girl with a giant crush on the guy who wanted to come to her house could muster, “Yeah. You totally can come fishing.”

“Awesome! I’ll bring an extra pole and teach you how to fish too!” He didn’t bother with containing his excitement. I think I wrongly proportioned that excitement more to me rather than the fishing.

This seemed like forward motion to me.

More than a Bible Study. Finally!

Now before I tell you about that “date,” I need to tell you a little more about where I lived. Our house sat right up against the levee. The levee was topped with a wide dirt path that went on for miles in either direction along the river. It was lush land. Pear orchards surrounded the house. Over-grown blackberry bushes flanked the sides of the levee. Giant oaks and poplars drank thirsty at the river’s edge. When the sun peered through the trees, it would catch dust particles and render them golden. It was a beautiful place. It might have been worthy of the lofty term “enchanted” if not for the hyper dogs that lived next door and the subtle stench of sulfur in the well-water caused by the agriculturally rich soil it sat in.

The house had one neighbor that shared the clearing in the pear trees. This neighbor bred hunting dogs: hound and lab mixes.   

At the time, our neighbor had 2 full-grown pups. They were beautiful dogs—shiny black coats, long legs, thick feet.

They had the energy of a toddler 10 minutes after his first experience with candy

. Once they chased a squirrel under my dad’s brand new pick-up. The dogs tore and tore at the underbelly of the truck trying to get at the squirrel, resulting in a mess of wires and not a single electronic function left in working order. My dad was not a big fan of those dogs.

Sunset on the Sacramento River

Enchanted woods by the river

……….

Ryan arrived on a hot August noon carrying two poles and a tackle box. He wore a t-shirt, basketball shorts and a sheepish grin. After greeting each other, we immediately got down to business: finding a fishing spot.

We walked up the levee and began searching for a decent clearing where I would have room to learn to cast.

As the levee took us along the back of my neighbor’s house, the two dogs bounded around us. They were leaping, sniffing, and licking and could not be persuaded to return home.

When we found a decent clearing, Ryan got the poles ready and gave me a lesson on the parts to the fishing pole and how to cast.

My first try, the line didn’t go anywhere. My second try landed in the bushes immediately to my left. My third try landed in the bushes to my right. My fourth try, the hook got caught high in a birch tree.

In the midst of this, two dogs ran around us, followed each cast, sniffed at our hands and the tackle box with interest.

After climbing out of the tree he had just tried to get a hook out of, Ryan was clearly frustrated. He explained and re-explained the arm and wrist motion. My mind got it; my body was not cooperating. I have always struggled with my coordination. Seeing his frustration I said, “How about I try one more time? If I can’t get it, I’ll just keep you company while you fish.”

...................

Click here to find out what happens on that final cast.

 Nothing could have prepared me for how wrong it could go.

When Life Fractures Your Faith



Can I tell you all about something?

It’s not pretty. It’s hard. And it’s hard to talk about. I think I am needing to write my way through it, and, for some reason, I feel compelled to share it. Maybe someone out there needs to hear this or at least know they aren’t the only one. Or maybe it is that I’m the one that needs to hear something from one of you who has been here before.

(On that note, I also need to kindly ask you to refrain from offering medical advice or family planning opinions. I am talking with my doctor about it. And I am just not sure I am comfortable with that dialogue or ready to have it here.)

In the span of two months, I have had two miscarriages.

Two.

Both times, my husband and I were practicing the method of birth control that has worked for us for years.

Both times, I tested before my missed period. (Perhaps I am just far too in tune with my body, but I seem to have “spidey senses” when it comes to pregnancy.)

Both times, I miscarried within two days of my discovery.

I have been wanting more babies but sensing it wasn’t time (It kind of helps sensing it when your husband tells you he is not at all ready). 

Each time I saw that extra line on the stick, I thought God was blessing us with a surprise.
Maybe I am alone on this. But I love surprises.

I have a brother who is almost fourteen years younger than me, my parents' later-in-life surprise blessing. I have two dear friends who got pregnant after thinking they had permanently shut off the possibility of pregnancy. I’ve seen the miracle. I’ve seen the way that the family stretched with joy and love. I’ve seen the abundance of blessing in the unexpected.  

I am not quite sure how to put this into words, but I have been so angry over the miscarriages. There is white hot rage underneath this skin. How and why? And just why?! I felt the darkness of depression pulling at me. I’ve felt my faith rock.

It feels like some kind of cruel joke.

I don’t understand the point. I don’t even understand exactly what happened.  Did life happen? Did I lose something? What is wrong with me? Surely this isn’t normal?

It’s isolating. It’s really hard to talk about.

It’s also really hard to process.

I want to grieve, but it feels like I haven’t “earned the right,” like I didn’t lose enough. Like it was a second-rate miscarriage.

I am learning that while I might want to pick up my broken heart and set it next to someone’s heart like my dear friend’s who miscarried a very wanted and tried-for baby in her 11th week and had complications that dragged out the whole ordeal for weeks. Grief is not a substance that it can be compared. Broken is broken. And while my rational mind might want to say that I am less deserving, that I can’t cry as much or as hard. My heart is broken. I need to heal. I need to grieve.

I remember breaking my arm when I was in the third grade. I had gotten this great idea to show my older, cooler friend that I could swing with “no hands.” It took about two seconds to discover how not bright that idea was. I flipped backwards, arm meeting the ground first. My right ulna was broken all the way through.

I remember the healing process for that break. The emergency room. The overnight sling. The two different casts and the three months of wearing them. I remember doing homework with my left hand and taking my baths with my arm above water, wrapped in plastic.

I also remember the pain of having my arm set back into place. My mom remembers the scream of her quiet, keep-it-all-together child ringing through the waiting room. Setting was by far the most painful part in the process, even more painful than the break itself.

I think grieving can be like that. It is a process. Life, trials, people collide with our plans, our hopes, our dreams and just leave us reeling. Sometimes our ideas and beliefs get fractured in the aftermath of loss and need to be set back into place. 

Setting is that painful place, that place that is full of why’s. It’s that place of broken plans and dreams. It’s that place where you can walk away from God’s promises and live fractured or you can chose to live by faith rather than by what you see. It’s that place of re-realizing that God’s ways are higher and sometimes we just don’t get to understand this side of heaven. It’s a place of letting go, of surrender, of trust. It’s a place of realigning with what the Word of God says.

I can tell you I have gone through “the setting” in this process. I may have even yelled out in pain and frustration at God. But I am walking through it. I have reached out to some friends. I have chosen to fight that darkness instead of allowing it to fill my life.


I just want to leave you with the two things that seemed to minister to my heart.
Psalm 126:5-6 "Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

I am clinging to this promise, reminding God of it. I am sowing my tears, I’m not holding them in. And I am waiting to see what God will do.


I went to Women of Faith in the midst of this and heard this song by Mercy Me. I can’t even tell you how much it ministered or how much it felt like I could have written this song from my own life. If you have ever experienced deep pain and loss, just. listen. to. this. song.



Thank you for letting me share here. Seriously, thank you!


By Grace,

Amanda Conquers



Psst… I should be back this week with a story that involves a fishing line, two dogs, and the reason I do not fish. It may even leave you rolling with laughter ;)

What God Says... {Beauty on a Budget}

Today, you are getting two posts. Yep.


In an effort to be a woman who finishes what she starts, I have the fifth post for the Beauty on a Budget series... a week and a half later than planned.

I do have a reason for that. Today's second post might explain why I suddenly got quiet.

Also, truth be told, I just have a hard time talking about beauty. And maybe if I am honest, I am still struggling to find the value in myself that goes deeper than my skin... this skin that now wears some age and a few more pounds than I would like.

So since words are failing me (at least on this topic), let me just leave us with some simple reminders about what God says about our value and our beauty.

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies
 
Psalm 139:13-18 
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body;You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you,The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them—any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! (The Message--I like some of the phrasings from this frequently mentioned passage in the Message paraphrase.)

Zephaniah 3:17  
The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

And lastly, one great reminder for those hard days when your value escapes you because you catch yourself yelling, struggling, worrying, nagging, or just straight wanting to be on the other side of whatever trial you are facing...


All those hard things, all those struggles, God is weaving them into a story, a your-story becoming His-story... a redeemed story that will be BEAUTIFUL in His time. 


I just want to give a special thanks to Mandy and Kassie, from Glittered with Grace, for being apart, for sharing your knowledge and your heart with us. You inspire. I wish you both community, God's direction, and a place to SHINE like glitter in the gifts and talents He's given you as the two of you navigate this occasionally crazy social media business together.

If you missed the Beauty on a Budget series you can catch up here:
1. On Beauty (an intro to the series from AmandaConquers)
2. Can You Get a Whole Face of Make-Up for $40?
3. Fall for Your Face
4. Black Tee and Jeans Styled Four Ways
5. What God Says...
 

Okay, so if you want, you can jump over and read another post about some really hard things I have been dealing with (I've got to warn you. It's not exactly pretty and I am still in the midst of it; I just felt like God was asking me to open up about it).


By Grace,
Amanda Conquers





Black Tee and Jeans Styled Four Ways {Beauty on a Budget}


One thing I have learned from having a tight budget for so long is to buy basic clothes that won't quickly go out of style (things like jeans and t-shirts) and spend just a few dollars to add accessories to make them feel brand new each year.

I love this short video Mandy and Kassie, from Glittered With Grace, came up with for us. They give some great styling ideas for what otherwise might have been a boring outfit. Also, I majorly love the two scarfs Kassie uses. Majorly. Love.

It might just inspire you to rethink the wardrobe you already have and how you could restyle some basics. :)


You can head over and subscribe to Glittered With Grace's YouTube channel. And don't forget to enter their giveaway.



You can subscribe to Amanda Conquers to get encouragement slipped right into your email box about two times a week. Make sure you never miss a post. (Psst... it's easy to subscribe and to unsubscribe.) Click HERE.



If you missed any of the Beauty on a Budget posts, catch up with them here:
1. On Beauty (an intro to the series from AmandaConquers)
2. Can You Get a Whole Face of Make-Up for $40?
3. Fall for Your Face
4. Black Tee and Jeans Styled Four Ways
5. What God Says...


Fall for Your Face {Beauty on a Budget}

I have the Glittered With Grace girls, Mandy and Kassie, back today to show us the two looks they came up with from their $40 make-up challenge.

In the first video here, they start off with some really great tips (I'll list the links to some of the budget tips they give below), show us how they did their second look, and, seriously, if you only have 2 minutes to sit and watch, skip to 18:00. These women will remind you about your beauty, encourage you, and it's a great way to start your day. You. Are. Beautiful.


In the second video they show us their 2nd fall make-up look. The end of the video has some great shots of the their results.




Maybe head over and subscribe to Glittered With Grace's YouTube channel. And don't forget to enter their giveaway. Let's support these women as they start walking in a dream to encourage women!




You can subscribe to Amanda Conquers to get encouragement slipped right into your email box about two times a week. Make sure you never miss a post. (Psst... it's easy to subscribe and to unsubscribe.) Click HERE.

If you missed any of the Beauty on a Budget posts, catch up with them here:
1. On Beauty (an intro to the series from AmandaConquers)
2. Can You Get a Whole Face of Make-Up for $40?
3. Fall for Your Face
4. Black Tee and Jeans Styled Four Ways
5. What God Says...


Can You Get a Whole Face of Make-Up for $40?? {Beauty on a Budget}


Today, I am so excited to welcome Kassie and Mandy to the blog. I have known Mandy for a long time. We went to high school together. We served alongside each other in ministry at our church.  She did my make-up when I got married, and she's the only one with whom I really trust my hair. (Unfortunately for me, she moved like 5 hours away. I kid you not, I haven't gotten my hair done since. Almost a year ago. She's just that good. I miss her. Sigh.) Mandy just has such a warmth and meekness about her. Her sister Kassie has a contagious energy and a big heart.

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Our names are Mandy and Kassie. We have just started our YouTube channel Glittered Withgrace

We started this channel not only because we love make up and beauty stuff, but because we wanted to inspire and encourage women. 

Mandy is 31 and the mother of four, plus a sixteen-year-old Chinese exchange student makes five. She has been married to her high school sweetheart for 13 years. Mandy and her husband Brad are children's pastors. Mandy is also a licensed cosmetologist. 

Kassie is 24 and also has two teenage foreign exchange students. She has been married for two years. She and her husband are also a ministry family with their service in worship, kids ministry, and media. 

Together, we (Mandy and Kassie) also coach cheer. Needless to say, we are busy ladies. We also have strict budgets (thanks, Dave Ramsey). So we have to be resourceful with what we have, and we try to get the most bang for our buck. 

We hope to bring some positive videos that show women that make up doesn't make you beautiful, but it is fun. And since we are both in different seasons of life, we feel like we can reach most women. We hope to inspire, help, and encourage women with glitter and His grace!


Today's video is a shopping haul PLUS A GIVEAWAY. We decided to try and buy a full face of makeup for $40 because if you have not ever played with makeup (or haven't really updated your make-up since since college) and wanted to start, it doesn't have to cost a fortune.




To enter the giveaway:
1. Subscribe to Glittered Withgrace and Mandy's and Kassie's YouTube channels.
2. If you use Instagram, follow @MandyWinkle and @KassieMoon
3. Leave a comment under the video with what it is you look forward to the most in the Fall. 
(Note: comment must be made under the video on their YouTube channel to be entered, so do follow the link.)


Psst... Come back tomorrow, and we will show you two make-up looks using the make-up we got. For a bonus later this week, we also styled a plain black shirt and jeans two ways to help with outfit slumps. We hope you enjoy and subscribe to our channel for future videos.

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Thank you so much, Mandy and Kassie! I can't wait till tomorrow to hear your make-up tips for the fall looks. I seriously am in love with that cranberry color... and hoping to be brave enough to wear it. I can say I am definitely inspired to buy a little make-up. I am kind of still using some products from before I had Addy. Don't judge. :)

Okay. So don't forget to head over and subscribe to Glittered With Grace and comment on the video
How about we rally around some women who are just stepping out into a dream to encourage women everywhere with beauty tips?!



So, What are your favorite items in your make-up bag? Share your favorite items in the comments below.


Subscribe to Amanda Conquers to get encouragement slipped right into your email box about two times a week. Make sure you never miss a post. (Psst... it's easy to subscribe and to unsubscribe.) Click HERE.




If you missed any of the Beauty on a Budget posts, catch up with them here:
1. On Beauty (an intro to the series from AmandaConquers)
2. Can You Get a Whole Face of Make-Up for $40?
3. Fall for Your Face
4. Black Tee and Jeans Styled Four Ways
5. What God Says...






On Beauty


There is a war going on in me every day.

I sense it when I look in the mirror and see a woman with winding-mountain-road curves where a wiry girl used to stand. I look more tired, older somehow… and acne (it’s like I am going through puberty all over again… at 30! Who knew you don’t always get to outgrow pimples?!).

I sense it when I am running behind in the morning and make-up no longer seems worth it. I sense it when my wardrobe is seriously outdated, but the kids are growing like weeds and the budget is tight. I let that be my excuse to let another season pass without a single update.

I sense it when the house is a wreck, and I am tired.  Instead of nap, I will drudge through housework until I wonder what’s on Facebook, and then I will just stare mindlessly at that because I am just.so.tired.

I sense it at the end of the day, after I’ve homeschooled, cleaned messes, driven kids to gymnastics, cooked dinner, and put the kids in bed.  I want alone time. And I don’t want to drink water and eat carrot sticks while I catch up on a tv show. I kind of want to bury my face in brownie pie.

But here’s the thing. The war isn’t me versus weight. Or me versus make-up time. Or me versus the small budget. The war is being waged on my worth.  Because if I can buy into how the enemy wants me to see myself, maybe I can also buy into the lie that God doesn't love me. And maybe I can raise my kids in the most subtlest of ways to think women and mothers don’t have much value because mommy doesn’t think she does.


Really, the hard part isn’t actually finding the time for a beauty routine, exercise, or eating well… it’s actually seeing yourself as worth the time.

It’s about loving yourself.

Where you are. How you are.

It’s what Jesus does for us. He doesn’t look at the long list of all the ways we fall short. He just loves. He sees value. Not just potential value. But value. As in now.

He loves you now.

Just me...learning to love me
Maybe this seems like a weird comparison. But it’s like the person who thinks the way to Jesus is through following the law. Eating right and having an exercise routine is immensely beneficial. But if all you do is try to wrestle yourself into some ideal image, you’ve missed the point. You can swear off carbs and butter, you can spend 2 hours at the gym every day and night, you can have washboard abs and tight buns. You can also think it’s all too hard and wallow in French fries and fudge sundaes and spend far too much time sitting in front of Facebook. Either way, you seriously miss it.

It isn’t a choice between letting yourself go or sculpting your body into size 4 skinny jeans.
No. It’s a choice to love you.

Really love you. As Christ loves you. Because it’s not about a weight. It’s not about a beauty routine. It’s not about an amazing wardrobe. It’s not about controlling yourself and working yourself until you fit into some conjured up idea of beautiful.

It is for freedom that Christ set us free.

Just like Jesus said that He didn’t come to do away with the law but to fulfill it, I do believe when you recognize just how valuable, beautiful, worth it in His eyes you are, it compels you to love on yourself, to do what is best for yourself.

You.

You who puts little lives before your own, you who lives poured out… and maybe some days you feel spilled out and overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising kids and the sheer not-knowing what is best for them. You who has stood beside your man and cheered him on even in the bleakest of seasons. You who walks bravely through the passing of time, enduring trials, taking scars, growing older and wiser.

You—beautiful warrior woman.

You are so valuable.

Would you, could you, start to choose yourself sometimes? Would you instill in your daughters and your sons the value of a woman by valuing yourself? Would you kindly stop comparing yourself to other women? Would you exercise and eat well and give yourself permission to take naps because we only get this one life and this one body and rest is important? Would you allow yourself to throw your hair to the wind, to celebrate and to eat cake sometimes because life needs to be enjoyed too?

I am looking at myself. Asking myself those questions. I don’t want to let myself go, get buried back here behind excuses, and exhaustion, and, well, child-raising. No, I do believe I need to hold onto to myself. Value myself. Me.

Okay. So maybe you want to start doing this with me? Maybe we can cheer each other on?

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So along these lines, I am have invited some professionals over to the blog for help with something very in particular.

Spending time on ourselves.

Each day this week (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) the girls from Glittered With Grace will be showing us simple beauty tips designed with the busy, tight-budget momma in mind.

  
Now, I certainly don’t want the message to be that in order to be beautiful on the outside one must put on make-up and style your hair big. Oh no. This is for fun. Some simple tips to put into your arsenal should you decide you need to spend more time on yourself.

(Ahem. That would be me. Also, I am so clueless when it comes to make-up and hairstyles.)

Maybe it’s just me, but when I take the extra time to put on make-up and do the hair… I feel pretty. Valuable. And it’s not a superficial thing, this outward thing reflects an inward thing. Jesus loves me, and I am precious to Him.

I can’t wait till tomorrow. These Glittered with Grace girls are so warm, endearing, and full of beauty wisdom (outside and inside too). I can't wait to introduce you to them. 



By Grace,
Amanda Conquers

Pssst… If you want to make sure you don’t miss a single one of these posts, subscribe to this blog by email. It’s super easy to subscribe (and it’s super easy to unsubscribe). Just click this link and enter your email address. You’ll get a confirmation email to click on and then, boom, you’re done. We can be email pals :)



Here’s some resources in line with today’s post: I wrote this about seeing your beauty after child-bearing changes your body. Honestly, on the bad days, I read it to myself to encourage myself. Ha!

Sarah Mae wrote an e-book called Frumps to Pumps. It’s kind of like 5 minute daily devotionals to challenge, encourage, and equip you to spend a little more time on yourself.