Ten Year High School Reunion: For Me, the Redefining of Beauty and Success
I guess I don't give my age much thought. In my mind, I'm young and have lots to learn. But, man, there's nothing quite like that 10 year high school reunion invitation to make you feel like you've aged. I'm not a teenager (even though I have been in this reality for 8 years now, for some reason this always shocks me), I'm not cute like I once was, I've gone to college, driven a few different cars, had a few jobs, got married, started a family... all in 10 years. Crazy what 10 years can do for a person!
But then, at the same time, it's crazy what 10 years didn't do for this person. I discovered as the reunion approached that I still had these crazy ideas of what it means to be beautiful and successful... the same immature ones I had in high school. And it's not like I ever put these ideas into words. I rarely even took these ideas out to measure myself by them... but as I began to wonder what people would think of me tens years later, a wave of insecurity wanted to hurl itself over me.
Beauty is skinny; it's trendy; it's cute; it wears a size 4, weighs less than 120 lbs, and it's desirable by a great deal of young men; it has a tight physique and it is fresh and young without gray hair and wrinkles. Um, yeah, if I can't change the definition of beauty, I definitely can not be beautiful!
Success has a college education, a job worthy of that education, and, in that job, promotions and a decent income; it drives a nice car; it owns it's own house and in that house it has bedrooms for each child and an extra room for guests and an office; and it has a husband and perfectly behaved children who potty-train at the age of 2. And while I have a husband and 2 kids I would not trade for the world, a college education, and cars that work; I can't help but want to say "I am a stay at home mom for now" or "I am just a stay at home mom" as though there was something wrong or second rate about it.
Every woman wants to be beautiful, desirable, and thought of by those closest to her as "enough." Everyone wants to feel accomplished and successful. But, and I could be crazy here, it seems our definitions are so "surface" and "immature." I don't want to go on a society and media rampage, but these definitions are so there and permeate through the radio, tv, internet and in just about every advertisement you see. And whether you were somehow able to fit yourself into these definitions, or if you had your hopes and dreams of success or beauty shattered early on by some terrible tragedy or just simply never could quite fit yourself into society's definition of these things; it's there. We all want it. We want to be beautiful. We want to be successful. We want to be that one of kind, strong, beautiful woman that is living on this planet with definite purpose.
Fortunately for me, before the reunion, I got to be a part of an amazing women's conference called "I Am Couture." Just the reminder I needed! I AM like that one of a kind, strong, valuable, beautiful, couture garment that has been designed with a definite purpose. I AM couture. But not because I am a size 4 or because I'm cute. And not because I have a long list of accomplishments or own a house. I am beautiful because, bottom line, God says I am, and my husband agreeing is just the icing on the cake. I am His masterpiece. I am created in His image. And quite frankly, I like what God says about me way better than Marie Claire and Vogue, so I think I will go with Him. I am successful because I live out the purpose God has for my life. I love and serve Him, my family, and others. I am Me, and, hot dang, I do ME better than anyone else.
And for my own benefit can I just place in cement that my wide hips are my badge of honor: I have brought children into this world. My fluffy belly is evidence of the life I once carried in it. My "gravity-stricken," over-sized boobs are the bounty of my children that I personally can nurture and strengthen. My newly forming wrinkles and size 10 woman figure are proof of a life being lived and wisdom being attained. My rented 1 1/2 bedroom apartment and lack of job that includes a paycheck is my glorious sacrifice to my children to stay home with them. But don't allow these things to define you, for perhaps, you were created with an entirely different purpose. This is ME. I hope you will be YOU!
So, I went to my reunion. I had a blast. I saw my "Bahama Mama's." Yep, I was totally a member of a silly group of girls complete with a name and plenty of inside jokes. That's right, we drove around in our "Ghetto V" looking for "Hot Sand and Happy Lotion" eating "2 am Doughnuts," "Christmas Treeing" unsuspecting houses, "Pulling Melvins," all the while bumping "Player's Holiday" on the radio. But to tell you what any of that means, I'd have to kill you first. HA! And you know what? It's fun to be a silly girl. We got out on that dance floor at the reunion and had our husbands in stitches with our ghetto-booty dancing and our ingenious moves like "Feeding the chickens," "Stacking it up," "Knocking on the door," and "Going Shopping."
The reunion proved the perfect opportunity to challenge myself to redefine beauty and success and just be happy in the skin I'm in. I am proud of myself! I made no apologies for the way I look or the way I choose to live my life. I didn't allow myself to compare myself with anyone else. And, you know what? I was pleasantly surprised to find a room full of nice people who had all changed themselves: who had changed their own definitions and who had been changed by 10 years of life (either that or they were too drunk to notice or care!)
I have to give credit where credit is due. My pastor's wife (who along with a team put on the kick-butt conference "I AM COUTURE") constantly encourages me with talks of beauty redefined. The speakers at the conference, Lacey Brown and LaCinda Bloomfield, added to the thoughts that produced this blog. Captivating by Stacy and John Eldredge and Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy also instilled some of the ideas mentioned here (I STRONGLY recommend these reads!). And my friend Carey from whose facebook album I swooped the conference pictures. And while I am at giving credit, hello, God! and the Bible! and the awesome team of girls that put together a fun reunion weekend.
 |
| Me at 16 or 17 with my Bahama Mama's. I am the bombshell in blue. :) |
But then, at the same time, it's crazy what 10 years didn't do for this person. I discovered as the reunion approached that I still had these crazy ideas of what it means to be beautiful and successful... the same immature ones I had in high school. And it's not like I ever put these ideas into words. I rarely even took these ideas out to measure myself by them... but as I began to wonder what people would think of me tens years later, a wave of insecurity wanted to hurl itself over me.
Beauty is skinny; it's trendy; it's cute; it wears a size 4, weighs less than 120 lbs, and it's desirable by a great deal of young men; it has a tight physique and it is fresh and young without gray hair and wrinkles. Um, yeah, if I can't change the definition of beauty, I definitely can not be beautiful!
Success has a college education, a job worthy of that education, and, in that job, promotions and a decent income; it drives a nice car; it owns it's own house and in that house it has bedrooms for each child and an extra room for guests and an office; and it has a husband and perfectly behaved children who potty-train at the age of 2. And while I have a husband and 2 kids I would not trade for the world, a college education, and cars that work; I can't help but want to say "I am a stay at home mom for now" or "I am just a stay at home mom" as though there was something wrong or second rate about it.
Every woman wants to be beautiful, desirable, and thought of by those closest to her as "enough." Everyone wants to feel accomplished and successful. But, and I could be crazy here, it seems our definitions are so "surface" and "immature." I don't want to go on a society and media rampage, but these definitions are so there and permeate through the radio, tv, internet and in just about every advertisement you see. And whether you were somehow able to fit yourself into these definitions, or if you had your hopes and dreams of success or beauty shattered early on by some terrible tragedy or just simply never could quite fit yourself into society's definition of these things; it's there. We all want it. We want to be beautiful. We want to be successful. We want to be that one of kind, strong, beautiful woman that is living on this planet with definite purpose.
Fortunately for me, before the reunion, I got to be a part of an amazing women's conference called "I Am Couture." Just the reminder I needed! I AM like that one of a kind, strong, valuable, beautiful, couture garment that has been designed with a definite purpose. I AM couture. But not because I am a size 4 or because I'm cute. And not because I have a long list of accomplishments or own a house. I am beautiful because, bottom line, God says I am, and my husband agreeing is just the icing on the cake. I am His masterpiece. I am created in His image. And quite frankly, I like what God says about me way better than Marie Claire and Vogue, so I think I will go with Him. I am successful because I live out the purpose God has for my life. I love and serve Him, my family, and others. I am Me, and, hot dang, I do ME better than anyone else.
 |
| Awesome Conference! |
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| Strong! Amazing! Original!... ME! |
And for my own benefit can I just place in cement that my wide hips are my badge of honor: I have brought children into this world. My fluffy belly is evidence of the life I once carried in it. My "gravity-stricken," over-sized boobs are the bounty of my children that I personally can nurture and strengthen. My newly forming wrinkles and size 10 woman figure are proof of a life being lived and wisdom being attained. My rented 1 1/2 bedroom apartment and lack of job that includes a paycheck is my glorious sacrifice to my children to stay home with them. But don't allow these things to define you, for perhaps, you were created with an entirely different purpose. This is ME. I hope you will be YOU!
So, I went to my reunion. I had a blast. I saw my "Bahama Mama's." Yep, I was totally a member of a silly group of girls complete with a name and plenty of inside jokes. That's right, we drove around in our "Ghetto V" looking for "Hot Sand and Happy Lotion" eating "2 am Doughnuts," "Christmas Treeing" unsuspecting houses, "Pulling Melvins," all the while bumping "Player's Holiday" on the radio. But to tell you what any of that means, I'd have to kill you first. HA! And you know what? It's fun to be a silly girl. We got out on that dance floor at the reunion and had our husbands in stitches with our ghetto-booty dancing and our ingenious moves like "Feeding the chickens," "Stacking it up," "Knocking on the door," and "Going Shopping."
 |
| Me (right) and one of my best girl friends dancing our cares away at the reunion. |
The reunion proved the perfect opportunity to challenge myself to redefine beauty and success and just be happy in the skin I'm in. I am proud of myself! I made no apologies for the way I look or the way I choose to live my life. I didn't allow myself to compare myself with anyone else. And, you know what? I was pleasantly surprised to find a room full of nice people who had all changed themselves: who had changed their own definitions and who had been changed by 10 years of life (either that or they were too drunk to notice or care!)
 |
| Me and my handsome little gentleman before I had to part with him for the evening. |
I have to give credit where credit is due. My pastor's wife (who along with a team put on the kick-butt conference "I AM COUTURE") constantly encourages me with talks of beauty redefined. The speakers at the conference, Lacey Brown and LaCinda Bloomfield, added to the thoughts that produced this blog. Captivating by Stacy and John Eldredge and Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy also instilled some of the ideas mentioned here (I STRONGLY recommend these reads!). And my friend Carey from whose facebook album I swooped the conference pictures. And while I am at giving credit, hello, God! and the Bible! and the awesome team of girls that put together a fun reunion weekend.