This One's for the Guys: Romance
I have a feeling, I could be wrong though, that this will be my least read post to date (well, next to my cloth diapers posts... what's up with hardly anyone being interested in those... oh, that's right, they are about diapers. If you aren't diapering, you are NOT interested in diapering. Ha!) I don't know, maybe the guys will surprise me. Either that or all the curious women shall read this post... of course there is stuff in here for you too ladies. We will shall see.
This last weekend, my husband and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. And I have got to say, my husband kicked butt. Not that we somehow have this perfect marriage or that he always gets it right. He doesn't. (Of course, I love him as he is anyways.)
But this time, he got it right. These moments need to be cherished, written down, and reread so I can remember, lest I forget, that I am married to an amazing man.
I got a beautiful necklace and earring set by my favorite jewelry designer, Holly Yashi. I would describe it as classic beauty meets earth-loving hippie. That pretty much describes what my style would be if I had an unlimited budget and an unlimited amount of time to style myself every day. It's not fine jewelry, but it's made from cool materials, it's great quality and it's by a local artist... so it's not cheap.
He made reservations for a local restaurant... the kind that you dress nice for, choose your wine based on your food, hope to God you are using the right fork, costs well over $100 for 2 people and comes complete with a chef with a French accent. The restaurant happened to be attached to the same place we spent our first night those many moons ago. Good choice husband!
But here's the thing. My favorite part of the anniversary gift was the cheesy, handwritten love letter on binder paper attached to the jewelry box. It actually made me cry (yes I am totally a girl, but I do not cry over everything.) My favorite part of dinner wasn't the crab cakes, the walu steak with the macadamian gastrique sauce, or the creme brulee; it was the walk we took after dinner through the garden. Mike pulled me into the empty wedding tent in the middle of the garden and we waltzed by moonlight while singing our song, "Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can't help falling in love with you..."
Guys, I gotta tell you, every woman who just read my last paragraph let out a big sigh "Awe." Every woman wants to be loved, cherished, ROMANCED. It's not about budget; it's about... wait for it... you aren't going to like it... wait for it...the THOUGHT. A woman wants to feel like she's the only woman in the room that you see, she wants to feel special, one-of-a-kind, and loved unconditionally. She needs you to create those thoughtful, special moments. I gotta let you in on a little secret that will set you up for Romance. Women don't make sense. Men furrow their eyebrows, scratch their heads and try to make sense of the ways of a woman... just stop. We don't make sense. We like gifts that don't make sense. Shoes that don't make sense. Shoot most of our conversations don't make sense. So, all you have to do, dear man, is do something that doesn't make much sense (at least to you... let's hope it makes a little sense to her) and you are golden!
I want to remind you of something we all know: All women want romance. All guys want sex. Man, you want the sex: give the girl her romance and she will blow your mind. And ladies, same deal: you want your man to be romantic, keep him better than satisfied.
I just started reading this book by Jentezen Franklin called The Fasting Edge. Albeit a fairly crazy comparison here (since when does the spiritual practice of fasting have anything to do with romance?!), but track with me here. Jentezen Franklin opens his book by talking about axes. A sharp axe cuts through far more trees than a dull axe. A dull axe is actually dangerous. Stopping to sharpen your axe actually benefits you in the long run. His point is that every now and again Christians need to break out of their routine and fast to get their axe sharp again. I think the same basic principle can be applied to marriage. Every now and again, you got to break out of the routine of your marriage and spend time caught up in Romance, and, yes, men, more sex too. Don't let your marriage get dull! Maybe you use the standard holidays (anniversary and Valentines's Day) to sharpen your marriage or maybe it's completely spur of the moment. Routine is so easy to fall into and so hard to break out of, and while routine is fine, eventually a marriage grows dull in that routine. Every now and again, you gotta sharpen that axe.
So here is my simple plea: Break out of your routine and romance the girl. Your woman needs it, and, perhaps, your marriage needs it. You will not regret this. Buy the flowers. If you have no money, pick some flowers. But don't stop there, leave the note attached to the flowers that says what your favorite curve of her body is or the moment you first fell in love with her. Help the mother of your child around the house. Do the dishes. But don't stop there, leave a post-it note on the dishwasher telling her how much you appreciate all she does around the house. Take your woman out on a date. But don't stop there, whisk her to her feet and dance with her in the restaurant, on the sidewalk, or in the parking lot. Oh and by the way, women don't care how terrible you dance. So spin her around like you know what you are doing, dip her (carefully), and kiss her.
The point: Don't just throw down money on flowers or dinner or jewelry and think that money just bought you a romance pass and you are now relieved from further romantic notions for at least 6 months time (and you certainly better not set your alarm in your iphone calendar to go off in six months to remind you to do that romance again... sorry men, women just do not work like that. There is no formula. Actually, now that I think about it, sure, remind yourself if that's what it takes; just don't tell your significant other it took an alarm to get you to be romantic. Ha!). Do that little bit extra: the love note, burning "your song" to a cd so it can play in the car on your way to dinner, the dancing, the sweet words, opening every single door including the car door, pulling out her chair... And if you have no money, just do the little bit extra. Your special someone will not let you regret this.
(And ladies, allow your man to be romantic. Do not nit-pick his attempts like we can sometimes do. Don't laugh or scoff at his attempts. No one likes to be laughed at while they are making themselves vulnerable. Romance makes most men vulnerable because for most men it does not come natural. Recognize that men do not think like we think, and the things that seem super obvious to us make absolutely no sense to him. You see your man attempting romance, encourage him, appreciate it, and write it down or take a picture of it so when you start to forget it you can remember that you have a wonderful man. We want him to have the chance to practice Romance, and like anything practiced, he will get better at it over time. The point is to encourage him.)
Alright, there it is. Two words that sum up this entire post: ROMANCE. SEX. There you go.
Oh, and if you want more help/ideas in this area or have found yourself with a "dull" marriage, do check out Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. It is the BEST series on marriage I have ever heard. I learned so many basic principles, got to better understand the mind of a man as well as my own mind, and I laughed the entire time while doing it. The guy, Mark Gungor, is hilarious! (And, hey, might not be a bad idea to check around local churches to see if any are doing or have done this series to try to get your hands on the DVDs)
This last weekend, my husband and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. And I have got to say, my husband kicked butt. Not that we somehow have this perfect marriage or that he always gets it right. He doesn't. (Of course, I love him as he is anyways.)
But this time, he got it right. These moments need to be cherished, written down, and reread so I can remember, lest I forget, that I am married to an amazing man.
I got a beautiful necklace and earring set by my favorite jewelry designer, Holly Yashi. I would describe it as classic beauty meets earth-loving hippie. That pretty much describes what my style would be if I had an unlimited budget and an unlimited amount of time to style myself every day. It's not fine jewelry, but it's made from cool materials, it's great quality and it's by a local artist... so it's not cheap.
He made reservations for a local restaurant... the kind that you dress nice for, choose your wine based on your food, hope to God you are using the right fork, costs well over $100 for 2 people and comes complete with a chef with a French accent. The restaurant happened to be attached to the same place we spent our first night those many moons ago. Good choice husband!
But here's the thing. My favorite part of the anniversary gift was the cheesy, handwritten love letter on binder paper attached to the jewelry box. It actually made me cry (yes I am totally a girl, but I do not cry over everything.) My favorite part of dinner wasn't the crab cakes, the walu steak with the macadamian gastrique sauce, or the creme brulee; it was the walk we took after dinner through the garden. Mike pulled me into the empty wedding tent in the middle of the garden and we waltzed by moonlight while singing our song, "Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can't help falling in love with you..."
 |
| On our after dinner walk. :) |
Guys, I gotta tell you, every woman who just read my last paragraph let out a big sigh "Awe." Every woman wants to be loved, cherished, ROMANCED. It's not about budget; it's about... wait for it... you aren't going to like it... wait for it...the THOUGHT. A woman wants to feel like she's the only woman in the room that you see, she wants to feel special, one-of-a-kind, and loved unconditionally. She needs you to create those thoughtful, special moments. I gotta let you in on a little secret that will set you up for Romance. Women don't make sense. Men furrow their eyebrows, scratch their heads and try to make sense of the ways of a woman... just stop. We don't make sense. We like gifts that don't make sense. Shoes that don't make sense. Shoot most of our conversations don't make sense. So, all you have to do, dear man, is do something that doesn't make much sense (at least to you... let's hope it makes a little sense to her) and you are golden!
I want to remind you of something we all know: All women want romance. All guys want sex. Man, you want the sex: give the girl her romance and she will blow your mind. And ladies, same deal: you want your man to be romantic, keep him better than satisfied.
I just started reading this book by Jentezen Franklin called The Fasting Edge. Albeit a fairly crazy comparison here (since when does the spiritual practice of fasting have anything to do with romance?!), but track with me here. Jentezen Franklin opens his book by talking about axes. A sharp axe cuts through far more trees than a dull axe. A dull axe is actually dangerous. Stopping to sharpen your axe actually benefits you in the long run. His point is that every now and again Christians need to break out of their routine and fast to get their axe sharp again. I think the same basic principle can be applied to marriage. Every now and again, you got to break out of the routine of your marriage and spend time caught up in Romance, and, yes, men, more sex too. Don't let your marriage get dull! Maybe you use the standard holidays (anniversary and Valentines's Day) to sharpen your marriage or maybe it's completely spur of the moment. Routine is so easy to fall into and so hard to break out of, and while routine is fine, eventually a marriage grows dull in that routine. Every now and again, you gotta sharpen that axe.
So here is my simple plea: Break out of your routine and romance the girl. Your woman needs it, and, perhaps, your marriage needs it. You will not regret this. Buy the flowers. If you have no money, pick some flowers. But don't stop there, leave the note attached to the flowers that says what your favorite curve of her body is or the moment you first fell in love with her. Help the mother of your child around the house. Do the dishes. But don't stop there, leave a post-it note on the dishwasher telling her how much you appreciate all she does around the house. Take your woman out on a date. But don't stop there, whisk her to her feet and dance with her in the restaurant, on the sidewalk, or in the parking lot. Oh and by the way, women don't care how terrible you dance. So spin her around like you know what you are doing, dip her (carefully), and kiss her.
The point: Don't just throw down money on flowers or dinner or jewelry and think that money just bought you a romance pass and you are now relieved from further romantic notions for at least 6 months time (and you certainly better not set your alarm in your iphone calendar to go off in six months to remind you to do that romance again... sorry men, women just do not work like that. There is no formula. Actually, now that I think about it, sure, remind yourself if that's what it takes; just don't tell your significant other it took an alarm to get you to be romantic. Ha!). Do that little bit extra: the love note, burning "your song" to a cd so it can play in the car on your way to dinner, the dancing, the sweet words, opening every single door including the car door, pulling out her chair... And if you have no money, just do the little bit extra. Your special someone will not let you regret this.
(And ladies, allow your man to be romantic. Do not nit-pick his attempts like we can sometimes do. Don't laugh or scoff at his attempts. No one likes to be laughed at while they are making themselves vulnerable. Romance makes most men vulnerable because for most men it does not come natural. Recognize that men do not think like we think, and the things that seem super obvious to us make absolutely no sense to him. You see your man attempting romance, encourage him, appreciate it, and write it down or take a picture of it so when you start to forget it you can remember that you have a wonderful man. We want him to have the chance to practice Romance, and like anything practiced, he will get better at it over time. The point is to encourage him.)
Alright, there it is. Two words that sum up this entire post: ROMANCE. SEX. There you go.
Oh, and if you want more help/ideas in this area or have found yourself with a "dull" marriage, do check out Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. It is the BEST series on marriage I have ever heard. I learned so many basic principles, got to better understand the mind of a man as well as my own mind, and I laughed the entire time while doing it. The guy, Mark Gungor, is hilarious! (And, hey, might not be a bad idea to check around local churches to see if any are doing or have done this series to try to get your hands on the DVDs)