How Suffering Strengthens Obedience {A Guest Post}
Today I have the honor of welcoming Melanie into this space. I am so excited to introduce you to her. I love her writing because of her fresh prespective, her honesty, and her way of seeing God in the everyday. When I met her in person at the Allume conference, I instantly felt she was a kindred spirit. She is meek and gentle and speaks with such love. I love reading what she writes... I think you will too ;)
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My favorite chair beckons. It’s been prepared, an afghan, my journal and my chai. I give God what must have been an obligatory question, “what should I write on?” But my thoughts have already marched down a path and I’d just like Him to come along. He blocks my marching.
Write on Suffering and Obedience.
“I think that’s a great idea. But you see, God, it will be posted on a Friday. I was really thinking of something lighter. Maybe more… cheerful?”
Do you believe that trials and waiting and sorrow have been part of you knowing me?
“Well, yes. It has been part of my story. My journey. The place where you intimately shaped me.”
And do you think that has led to greater trust in Me?
“Absolutely. A trust in your goodness and comfort. But you see, I’m writing on someone else’s blog.”
No response
“And well, I don’t want them to think I’m weird.”
I imagine He smiles. He doesn’t need to say much more. It rings true. This long walk through life that He and I have had.
“Father, the trials in my life have indeed led to greater trust in you. As we have wrestled, surrendered and wrestled some more. You have gotten bigger, out of my safe box. And with trust and love growing, so has my desire to obey you.”
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A snapshot of our dialogue. Of living out, will I choose to be obedient? When he whispers. When he stirs up a storm. And in the moments when my heart and mind debate, these following stories cross my radar.
The first from a memory. It’s Valentine’s Day 1999. We’ve only been dating a few weeks. All the restaurants are booked and so he creates a makeshift one of our own. In his mechanical engineering lab at his grad school. Blankets cover equipment and air flow tunnels. A crock pot simmers. Candles and flowers. Two tickets to a Big Ten basketball game after dinner. All the ways to my heart.
A few tears come when I realize I’m not remembering this story because it’s Valentine’s Day next week. I’m remembering it for the gift. A book. Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. It’s an allegory of the Christian journey. Much-Afraid travels far from her family, The Fearings, to the high places of the great Shepherd. Her companions on the journey are Sorrow and Suffering.
“The Lord makes my feet like hinds’ feet and sets me upon High Places.”
Psalm 18:33 and Habakkuk 3:19
I won’t include any spoilers- if you haven’t read it, I couldn’t encourage you more to pick up a copy! The journey she takes is transformational, abounding in love. A story of obedience accompanied by Sorrow and Suffering. Obedience that changes not only fears and hearts, but also bestows them with new names.
I loved the book when I first read it. How little did I know that her journey would be similar to ours in our hopes to be parents. Traveling every month with Sorrow and Suffering. Constant companions in our labor to bring new life. Wanting to walk with the Shepherd but wondering why some days he seemed around the bend, out of ear shot.
The second is a poem that a friend shares.
The Well of Grief
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning down to its black water
to the place that we cannot breathe
will never know
the source from which we drink
the secret water cold and clear
nor find in the darkness
the small gold coins
thrown by those who wished for something else
~ David Whyte ~
I first came across this poem several years ago. We were in the midst of having had several miscarriages. I’m sure you can identify with grief being a “place that we cannot breathe”. But that is also the place where we discover the “source from which we drink” and we find riches that can only be found when we go there. I had not thought of these words in many years. And they come back in God’s way and timing.
That these two stories come across my path amazes me. They catch my breath because I suddenly become aware that God is very much with us. He gives both confirmations that this is what to write about. Then he gives the content too.
He focuses me back on the beauty of which suffering unveils. The losses, disappointments and trials of life become means of grace. Walking these paths produces obedience. However walking the path is not my first reaction. I tend to go one of two ways when trials detour me.
- I give up. I deny the very desires God has placed in me. I try to look like a good Christian, a false sense of trust. “I should have known better.” “I never really wanted to be a mom.” “I am just fine, God is in control.”
- I strive. I decide to make things happen at all cost. I run ahead and help God out. “If I just work harder and try more.” “I deserve to be a mom.” “Good things come to those who go out and get them.”
But what is the way that God invites? Wait. And He will lift me up.
Still enough that my soul feels the weight, the sadness, the injustice. Letting layers and platitudes go, so that my heart breaks.
Bringing all of the shards of a broken heart and disappointment and confusion of dreams lost to the only one who has strength enough to hold it. Knowing that to Him, my questions are never too much. My tears are never rejected.
Seeking his face, that is where my obedience lies. Not pretending. Not fearing.
Letting him restore me. That is where my obedience grows.
Obedience connected back to the life giving vine. Letting him know we are dying inside while we tell the world we are doing fine. Letting him give, out of the vastness of his resources. Connecting back to him when we have no strength left.
We bring him our hearts. Not sugar coated. Not what we think we ought to bring. In this obedient space crafted by sorrow, this is where we can begin “to run in the paths of his commands for he has set our hearts free.” (Psalm 119:32)
This is where we long for the day where “sorrow and sighing will flee and gladness and joy will overtake them.” (Isaiah 35:10)
This is the soul expanding place where obedience shines in its reward and joy takes the stage.
Thank you Amanda for opening your space! It’s fun to come over and notice God together in this journey of Crazy Obedience.
Melanie writes at Blue Marble God on noticing God in everyday life. She’s a pastor’s wife who loves exploring life with her husband Rob, embracing motherhood via adoption to Samuel and drinking chai.