Love That Conquers Fear and The Return of Thankful Thursdays
Last week I found a lump on my son’s stomach. It was firm, about the size of a dime. My brain automatically went to doctor-mode as though I could accurately self-diagnose with my limited knowledge. Hernia? Benign Growth? And then the terrible, most-feared c-word that I dared not even whisper, but could not push from my mind: Cancer?
I made an appointment with his pediatrician. And as I drove up to the doctor’s office, just me and my Jed-man, I began to pray. And then I began to cry. What if…? What if…? What if…? And Oh God! Please!
A momma’s number one fear: that something horrible and completely beyond our control will happen to the life we hold most precious… the life of our child.
For some reason as I pleaded and drove, my mind flashed to the little birthmark my son bears. The little boy whose name means “Beloved of Y-HW-H” wears a little mark in the shape of heart on his leg—the legs that will take him wherever he will go.
And God spoke to me:
Jed is the apple of my eye. He is my beloved. I am with him. And that child who is most precious to you, is most precious to ME—God of the whole universe. I see him, I formed him. And daughter, I love you too. I am God. And you can trust that I will take care of whom I love. I have an eternal perspective and you cannot fathom My ways. You are marked by love, and you have it wherever you go.
What is this fear? And why is trust so hard? And why is trust so hard and fear so suffocating when it comes to our kids?
When fear grips and the trials of life clamor, why is it that I cling to whom and what I call mine? Why don’t I keep it all in God’s hands when I most need His hand to move in it all?
Perfect love casts out all fear.
Love trumps fear. Love defeats fear. Love is the very tool that plucks fear out.
So before I even stepped foot into the doctor's office and heard that the lump is something completely normal and easily taken care of (an epigastric hernia, if you are curious)… this momma had peace. I had peace not because I was sure it would be okay, I had peace because I was sure of God’s love for me and for Jed. And as much as I’d like to know it all and how it all works out, I think love is a pretty good thing to be sure of.
You are beloved. You are the apple of His eye. You were bought with a price. You have been adopted into God’s family. You are chosen and desperately wanted. Your adoption papers have been draw up and sealed in the very blood of Christ Jesus. You are marked by the very love of God, the blood over the doorpost of your heart, and you take that love wherever you go. No matter how much you love your children, He loves them more. No matter how much you love your cars, houses, jobs, life... He loves you more.
Psst... If you would like to read more about love and fear, I wrote a post that still speaks to me a few months back: On Fear and Freedom.
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As of late, I am struggling. I am pretty sure if you have been following me for any length of time, this is no secret. Life has been swallowing me whole and I've felt myself coming a bit unraveled. I may be slowing down the writing (okay, I probably have already slowed down the writing here). I may or may not be working on a book. And I just really need to do some healing, some focused effort on family and going from survival mode to fully living in our circumstances. I make no promises of how often I will post, just that for the summer, most of my writing will be off-screen.
That said, I love connecting here. (This blog and the connections I've made are such a gift. You are a gift!) I think part of that "fully living in our circumstances" thing is finding the gifts God gives and receiving them. I need to get back to the basics of gratitude and the great gift hunt that fills my heart with joy. So, I am starting back my "Thankful Thursdays."
So here it is: some of the gifts I have found...
#230 For being together in one place, good food, and another birthday with granma.
#231 For time at the park, just me and this guy.
#232 For the little girl that made good on her promise to ride her bike the whole way to the lake and back.
#233 For kids that stop to search for bugs.
#234 A good reminder on a rough day. Hope deferred makes the heart sick... Hold on to hope.
#235 My view from the laundry pile.
#236 For Psalm 91 "He who dwells in the secret place will abide under the shadow of the Almighty..." and for finding a good "secret place."
#237 For little boys who are fascinated with how things work and are full of so much potential. (Yes, that's blueberry yogurt. Also missing from the picture are about 25 more globs... on light fixtures, ceiling, walls, chairs and doors... yeah. Choosing to see the gift in the moment.)
#238 Bedtime Stories and both kids on my lap.
#239 New glasses! And no blue tape!
What was your messiest moment from the week? (Mine clearly involved yogurt and an almost-2 year old)
By Grace,
Amanda Conquers