Project Still Hope

About three weeks ago, we did some serious yard work. The house we live in had been neglected for years and the front planter was full of weeds... and I do mean full.of.weeds.

Somewhere in the breaking up the soil, removing weeds and more weeds and more weeds, in the dirt under my fingernails and the blisters on my hands… I was physically working through the soul-disappointment of that fifth miscarriage.

I got an idea while playing in the dirt. A dream really.

I had been looking, maybe without even realizing it, for some way to bury my losses. Something that would validate that I indeed had lost life, something that would tangibly demonstrate the little impressions forever left on my heart. Something that would be a physical sign of the trust I needed to place in the Lord. Something that would point to the resurrection power of Christ, even in this.

Bulbs.

It sounds funny to blurt out that word, and maybe it means moving my seed analogy over just a tad, but the coincidence doesn’t escape me that (most) bulbs get buried six inches down. They die in the cold. And then spring comes. And something rather ugly, rather dead, becomes beautiful and alive.

It’s a simple idea really, but I thought, what if I could challenge others facing loss to walk this hard journey with me? What if we could all have some way to lay our shattered dreams to rest? What if we could make some kind of memorial, something that might make this hard thing beautiful? What if we could all rejoice together when winter has done her work, and the new life begins to spring up? What if we could make this world just a little bit more beautiful because we have lost, and loved, and chose to let it rest in our Saviors arms?

What if we all planted bulbs?

And so I am reaching out. If it’s just me and the bulbs in my garden, I am okay with that. But if you want to link arms with me and do this together… well, let’s do this.

After this post I will provide some links about bulb growing, but I want you to know, even if where you live has a foot of snow on the ground already, or where you live is hot desert, or if you think you have a brown thumb, or whatever… if you want to do this. You can. There is actually a way to “force” bulbs indoors using a fridge, a pot, and a sunny spot in your house. Most bulbs are hardy and not so sensitive to whatever gardening mistakes we might make.

Also, if you happen to live in sunny California or a similarly warmer climate, right now is the perfect time to plant bulbs and that “perfect time” will last through December (when bulbs go on clearance at Walmart, I’m just saying).

I would love it (and I think it would be so good for our hearts) if we could link arms together as we walk this hard road.

You can use the hashtag #projectstillhope (on twitter, facebook, or Instagram) to share and find other women. Post the journey, and definitely post the beautiful result. Share the scriptures that are getting you through the day. Share your discouragement and share your encouragement. Share your story. If sharing on social media is not your thing (and that is completely fine! I kinda stink at it too.) you can email me at amandaconquers AT gmail DOT com.

Dear sister, even if you don’t want to share this with me or with us, will you pretty please find at least one person you can include on your journey. One person who you can tell what you lost, and how you are dealing with it. Don’t do it alone. Please.

I am telling you it is good for the heart to acknowledge the life you carried even if it was just a short amount of time. And it is so healing to watch something beautiful come out of something so painful.

Maybe let's flood the internet, our neighborhoods, our backyards and our kitchen windows with the hope that though we've lost tiny seeds, it was life and it was precious. And God can make something beautiful out of it.

By Grace,

Amanda Conquers

Links: 

4-Part How to Plant Bulbs with pictures.

How Force a Bulb to Grow indoors

FYI's: 

Spring bulbs (like hyacinth, tulip and daffodil) should be planted around the time the lows are in the 40's. You can still try if your area is already colder than this, and there is a good chance your bulbs will still bloom come spring. But if you are worried, just plant indoors.  

If you live in a very warm climate, try something like the amaryllis or paperwhite narcissus. These cannot handle freezing temps but thrive in warm climates.
If you really want to physically plant a bulb outdoors and worry the opportunity has already passed in your area, there are bulbs you plant in the spring for summer blooms (like dahlias and gladiolus).

If you missed the introduction to this series, you can find it HERE.

If you would like to continue reading, here are the rest of the posts in the series:

Season of Mourning
When You Are Trying to Make Something Out of Your Ashes

What Hope Really Looks Like
What You Need to Know When Fear is Suffocating You
Practical Advice for the Grieving Woman and Those Who Love Her