Making Sense — Amanda Conquers

I wanted to check in and let you know how my prayer visit to the park went.

Nothing major happened. There were no lightning flashes or jet plane line writing in the sky saying, “This is My will for you, Amanda.” There were a couple of Latinos hanging around, an old woman shouting into her cell phone in what sounded like a Southeast Asian language, a black man carrying his groceries. City. I saw lots of blue tagging, remnants from a birthday party scattered throughout the park, colorful apartments, windows with bars… I saw a place God wanted to touch. And not because it’s colorful or poor, but because God wants to reach it.

I saw hope.

I keep trying to make sense of what God is doing. It’s like I want to take the few puzzle pieces God has given me, color in what I don’t have and try to see the whole picture. I want it to make sense.

Because, really, it doesn’t make sense.

My mom and I were talking about the story of the rich young ruler (Mark 10:17-22). She had written a devotional on holding back. For some reason our conversation went to how not only can we struggle with holding back our money or our time, but we can also hold back the “sense-making.” I may not be a rich woman, but I surely value knowledge. I want to make sense of it all. I want to know the reasons why. I want to be able to give a reasonable explanation to someone. And I suppose I don’t trust God to make sense of it. In a way, I am holding back “sense” because I keep trying to do the sense-making.

(Does that make sense??) :)

And I think of familiar Bible stories. Gideon. David and Goliath. The walls of Jericho. The jars of oil. The birth Isaac. I could go on, but perhaps you see it. God loves to do things that don't make any human sense.

I don’t know exactly what to do other than to wait, fast and pray. So that’s exactly what I am doing.

I might want to hear now. To know exactly what to do now. But I told God that I didn’t want to live FOR Him, I want to live WITH Him. I refuse to race down to the end of this journey so I can know where I am going (as if I could even know that anyways), and I am grabbing His hand. I am trusting. One day at a time.

And today, I really don’t know very much… but I do get to know Him better!

Have you ever obeyed God when it didn't make sense?? I'd love to hear about it!

By Grace,

Amanda