TWR: Waiting is... Dying?!?
Welcome back to The Waiting Room! In case you missed the rest of the series here are the links:
And now to jump right in: :)
Christianity is based on the simple yet complicated truth that Jesus died and rose again.
Jesus died on the cross and in 3 days He was raised up from the grave.
In order to be a follower of Christ, one must die and be raised back up.
“Unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God” (John 3:3, NLT).
“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Matt 16:24, NLT).
And if I am honest, I would prefer to not think about this one. It’s hard. Dying? Really?
Too bad for me and my comfort zone, God is talking to me about just this.
See, I have dreams. Big ones. Ones I am not quite ready to commit to print, but I will say this writer wants to see a book published and this girl who has a big heart for the church and people wants to lead a ministry. With the birth of each of my children I took a step back from leading ministry. And now with my husband in a demanding schooling program and on the brink of stepping into his dream that could land us, well, anywhere within the confines of California, I am almost completely unable to serve in any capacity. I look back on what I used to do, the job titles I used to wear... all of that stuff made me feel important. Can I admit to you, how much I miss it? How pathetically human and all about me I can be?
I am finding that I am restless and, dare I even admit, discontent. I don’t want to just sit still and love on my family. I want more.
Perhaps this makes me rotten. It’s not that I don’t love my family. I DO! I am just struggling through this season of my life that leaves me with little capacity to do much else besides wife and mother.
Perhaps you are there too? Maybe you have had to step away from dreams, or a job, or a place that made you feel important. Maybe you were someone important, or the assistant of someone important, or you put on events, or you got employee of the month at least once a year… You willingly chose to become a domestic diva and lovingly raise children of your own, feeling it your high calling and now you sit amongst spit-up, scrubbing Oxy-clean into accidents on the carpet, and providing breakfast, lunch and dinner plus 2 healthy snacks in between to a group of people that can never provide you with the affirmation and praises you desire for all that you do, well… besides that World’s Best Mother badge that comes in the Hallmark card once a year.
Perhaps, motherhood isn’t what put your dreams on hold? Perhaps it’s something else: a mundane job that you need to make ends meet, an unsupportive spouse, circumstances beyond your control like infertility or illness, or maybe it’s just straight-up not time for your dreams to be pursued.
I have been wrestling. I am fighting God. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to leave my dreams alone. I want to hold on to what used to be. I don’t want to move forward. I am afraid. Without realizing it, I am closing my hand and throwing my fist at God, and telling Him this isn’t good enough.
I don’t want to let go of my dreams. I don’t want to die.
And here it is:
“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24, NASB).
In order to produce fruit, the wheat kernel must be stuck down deep in the earth and covered with soil in the fall, lie dormant through the winter, and in spring it will be raised back up to life. (And by the way, from one wheat seed a stalk grows that has roughly 50 kernels on it.)
In order for my dreams to come to pass, I need to let go of them, place them in the Hands of the One who is able to handle them, and wait for Him to raise them back up.
It’s time for my dreams to die.
It’s time to let go of them, place them in God’s hands, and allow Him to do what He will with them. I have an inkling as indicated in the word of God that these dreams will come back to me, but I also know that I have to be okay if they don’t. I have to die.
Wait.
Wait for the next season of my life and watch God raise those dreams to life.
I am dying so that I may be raised up again.
“Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal” (John 12:24, MESS emphasis added).
Letting go. Totally not easy. But I am thinking of the handsome man and the 2 little ones that I want to love recklessly.
I want to love them recklessly.
Recklessly abandon the dreams that are most dear to me so that I can do what is purposed for me to do in this season of my life. Love. Recklessly.
And God. Yeah, I want to love Him recklessly too. Give all to him. [Learn to]Trust Him.
The same Him who “is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph 3:20 AKJV).
Yeah, that Him.
So here begins the journey. The waiting. The winter to the wheat kernel. The waiting room to the doctor’s visit. But this time is so much more than just raising children (or insert whatever it is that you are doing in this season of your life). It’s so much more than just waiting or pausing. It’s not about biding your time or just getting through it. (And oh, friends, please let’s discover the purpose of this season lest we “just get through it” and look back one day and realized we missed it.) Remember, Tuesday’s post? Waiting is Becoming! We can bury our dream in God. We can! And as only He is able, He will raise it back up to life.
I'd love to hear from you, what has you feeling like you are waiting?
And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!) and anonymous comments are perfectly acceptable! I also love getting emails: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com.
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See you back here on Tuesday! We will start looking at the purposes of waiting.
xo