TWR: When You Feel Especially Ugly While Waiting...
Hello Friends! Welcome back to The Waiting Room. I am stunned at how much God is working in my life in this area. Even though the series is pretty much written, every day I feel like God keeps talking to me, reminding me of the things I had already written down. This stuff applies to so much! Waiting is so HARD... but this search for God's perspective on waiting is changing my life.
Just in case you missed the first parts of the series, I will leave the links for you.
- Intro: A Call to Live Fully (When You Feel Like You Are Waiting)
- Part 1: You're NOT Waiting
- Part 2: Waiting Is... Dying?!?
Today I have a post that talks a lot about motherhood and what the waiting can be for, but really it can apply to any time you find your self waiting... I just happen to be a mother so this is the experience I am able to speak from.
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I have a son that is drawn to my garbage bin and my dirty clothes hamper.
Yuck!
A few months back I was anticipating company. I had been in the kitchen loading the dishwasher, scrubbing those pots and pans. I hear a knock at the door. Company! Friends! I let them in, and, as I lead them into the living room, I spot a train of dirty laundry. First, a pair of my chonies (horror of horrors); followed by a pair of Michael’s shorts; a grubby, Addy’s-been-into-Papa’s-cherries t-shirt; and last, but certainly not least, my bra. It should be noted that of all the items in that hamper, the bra is the item I got the most embarrassed over. I may be willing to share my pants size or the number produced when I step on the scale (by the way, that’s kind of a sketchy “may be willing”), but I am definitely not willing to divulge my bra size. I have always felt a little awkward with what seem like oversized bosoms to me attached to my body.
Jed—the resident, dirty-laundry dust sprinkling fairy—pulled out my insecurity and flung it across the carpet.
I picked up every item on the floor in one fell swoop and made some joke about the situation to my friends. It was fine. But it got me thinking.
Kids drag it all out of us.
If you have a dream you are waiting on, parent or not, I can pretty much guarantee that during that waiting season someone will drag out your ugly. Maybe someone joins your team at work that just gets under your skin, maybe someone gets the promotion or the recognition you feel you deserve, maybe you catch yourself gossiping about your next door neighbor that drives a beamer, lives in a bikini, and has countless lovers. Or hey. Maybe you just have kids.
I never realized I was a yeller, until I had a four year old ask me the same question 20 times in a whiny voice that begins to sound like a cheese grater on a chalkboard after the 5th time. I am learning patience.
I never realized that my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, loosely-scheduled, free-spirited ways could have such a profoundly negative effect on children (and my own sanity). I am learning organization.
I never realized the power fear had on my life till I began to imagine the unspeakable horrors that could happen to my children... the way I can just become racked with worry and find myself not wanting to just trust God with my kids. I am learning peace.
I never realized how much I needed God’s grace. I think I have to apologize almost daily for some parenting misstep. The feeling of exasperation that parenting (or a difficult person or circumstance) occasionally leads us to drags out all our ugly. Ugly I never knew I had. Ugly that forces me to fall at the feet of Jesus. Ugly that makes me cry out for help, for grace, for transformation.
And I am transforming.
Kids drag it all out of us.
But God is working on us. Preparing us. It’s not just so we can be better parents, otherwise our lives would end when our chickies leave the nest. That dream in your heart… the one that you put on hold for your family, He’s preparing you for that too. The glorious journey of parenthood—the failures and triumphs, the spills and kisses, the missteps and hallelelujah-chorus, light-bulb moments when our kids get it and we explained it just right—it’s not just for our kids, it’s for us too. God is able to use it all for their good. God is able to use it all for our good too.
Can I just submit this thought? Perhaps it is that whatever waiting room you have found yourself in is the perfect training ground for your dreams?
I guess I never thought of it like that. I thought parenting was some totally separate dream in my heart. That it really had nothing to do with all the other dreams. Wrong. Turns out I need my kids just as much as they need me.
The simple act of having to wait for an unknown length of time shapes our trust and our patience. I never knew how little I trusted God and how impatient I actually was till I had to offer up my dreams and wait. It’s all getting dragged out.
But, I can see it (and maybe my friends can too—this is where accountability is a beautiful thing) and I can place it all in the hands of the One who knows just how to mold and shape my life—for the present, for the future—
For eternity.
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Maybe we can encourage each other... What kind of ugly is being dragged out of you right now??
And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!) and anonymous comments are perfectly acceptable! I also love getting emails: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com.
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See ya on Thursday for the next post in The Waiting Room Series!
Lots of love to you-- all the beautiful conquering housewives!
xo
Amanda
