TWR: A Conclusion

In sixth grade, a group of boys huddle around a table uttering low whispers and scoffing snickers. They were making a list of all the girls in the class, from biggest boobs to smallest boobs. And I was a girl with a training bra and nothing to train.


Flat. As. A. Board.

I wanted to melt into my blue plastic chair. Please God don’t let them put me last on that list.
A few agonizing minutes later, the boys began to disperse. The list was complete. My 6th-grade-fate had been decided. My worth had been determined. I walked over to take a peek at the list. I started at the top and scanned down. Please not the last name. Please not the last name.

And I wasn’t there. I didn’t make the list. My worst nightmare had been being last, deemed the girl with the smallest boobs. A far worse reality took shape. I didn’t even make the list. I wasn’t worth mentioning. I was completely unnoticed.

I bought into the age old lie—the same one Eve bought into when the serpent told her that God had withheld knowledge from her, that the fruit would make her like God—you are not enough.

I spent my teenage years listening to that lie. You are not enough. You are not smart enough, pretty enough… you will never amount to anything. You will never accomplish anything. I listened to that lie and with it came a striving heart. I tried so hard to be something special, important, beautiful, wanted—someone no one would overlook. Someone who would make the top of any list some boys would make. I shoved the things about myself that I thought held me back into a dark corner and pretended to be someone else. And while God has dealt with much of this in my adult years, all this striving, trying to be something, is why I find waiting so hard. If I am waiting… if I wear no ministry title, if I am not a big name in the blogging world, if I have nothing published with my name on it… if all I am is a 10-year-old-sedan driving mom of 2 who can barely keep her house clean,then maybe it’s true… maybe I’m not enough.
I want to be noticed. I want accomplishments. I don’t want to bury my dreams in soil and wait. No one will see me here. I will never be enough. I will never be worth anything.

We believe that “Faith without works is dead,” but I think there is a dangerous lie the enemy would like to sell us by twisting that truth in our minds. I hear it constantly (I say it and pray it constantly), “I just want to be used by God.” And sure, this can be a noble plight, but somewhere in this is the lie that we are not enough and in order to be enough we must DO something. Striving. We say it’s for God’s glory, but the fact of the matter is that we fight the age old battle on the fields of our heart: to bring God glory or to bring our own self glory.

Our glory is achieved by DOING—striving.

God’s glory is achieved by bowing low—allowing Him to DO all the DOING.

In waiting, God breaks down the lie that you aren’t enough because He loves you just as you are and you don’t have to do anything to earn that love. In waiting, God also breaks down the lie that you are enough because apart from Him you can’t do anything. It’s just striving. You need Him. And you need His timing. In waiting, you kneel down, bow low and succumb your lumpy-clay-self to the potter’s hands that mold and shape you.

God keeps whispering to me, “Find your place in me, Amanda.” Friends, that is the single most important thing you can do with your life: discover just how much God loves you—He loves you like I tell my kids at bedtime—“to the moon and back, with all [His] heart, no matter what”—NO. MATTER. WHAT. Whether you do great things, small things, a bunch-of-mistake things, or nothing at all—you hold Your Father’s gaze. He sees you. He loves you. You are enough. You don’t have to DO anything to earn it. You have it. Slow your strive. Rest in this.

Find your place in Him.

The other day, I came across a song on waiting. MUMFORD! (Anyone else love Mumford and Sons??) It spoke to me.

So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
I will wait. I will wait for you.

I picked up my son, grabbed the hand of my daughter and we spun around the living room doing some kind of riverdance, two-stepping hoedown. Somehow in that, I saw it: I am here in this moment. I am mom. I am wife. I am beautiful and complete and lacking nothing. My heart is full. I can shake off the humanity that makes me strive, that can’t be content. I am doing exactly what was purposed for me to do and holding it full in my hands. He placed me amongst the sticky arms of an Addy and a Jed (and I only get to be there for so long.) My place isn’t found in titles, or here on the web. It’s in Him. It’s in Him!!! Somehow in dancing around my living room, my spirit was kneeling, surrendering, knowing it’s ground—waiting for now. And yet, fully living.

In order to live, you first must die.

I have heard this before: when you feel like no doors are open for you, praise Him in the hallway.

Praise in spite is surrender. And surrender is fully living.

Yes.

I really can wait.

I really can bury my dreams.

I am falling in love with my God. He is Good. And He is worth waiting for.
(Thank you dear friend, you know who you are, for that last beautiful sentiment :))

As this series winds down, I would love to hear YOUR conclusion. What has God taught you in this waiting room??

I can't thank you enough for being here with me. I really appreciate you, friends!!

Amanda

P.S. Did you see the post where I asked for your stories??? Consider sharing yours with us (anonymous is perfectly acceptable--you can even email me from an email account that's something like hotgirl85 or whatever so it will be anonymous to me too. Ha! Oh, and I will also have a link up for my bloggy friends that want to share their story with their readers too). See here for the heart behind it and the guidelines.
See you back here on Tuesday for the waiting room link up and maybe even some stories of YOURS! So glad to shut up and let YOU talk for a change. Ha!!

For your listening pleasure: Mumford and Sons, "I Will Wait." Grab your loved ones by the hands and crazy dance?? :)


In case you missed the other parts of the series and want to get caught up, here are the links:
And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!). I love getting emails too: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com. 
Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed or subscribing by email to have my posts put nicely into your email box? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook? linked up here: http://www.cornerstoneconfessions.com/2012/10/titus-2-tuesday-linky-party-21.html

linked up here: cornerstone confessions 
 

How to Live That Broken, But Full Life {In Which You Might Want to Share Your Story?}


I've been dragging my feet. Complaining.

Waiting is hard. And it seems in my life there have been a whole lot of things to wait on.

And then, I cried out and asked God to teach me how to fully live when I am waiting, because I 'm not. Life doesn't stop and party with you when you throw a pity party. It keeps moving forward.

And God began revealing Truth to me in His Word, and this waiting series was born.

But God didn't stop there.

In the midst of this series, I got a quiet email in my inbox from one of you. It told your own personal story of waiting. And while I cannot share the contents of that email, for it is not my story to share, it left me undone. It shook me right out of my pity party, and in the best way. And since that email, some of you have mentioned the things you are waiting on. Each time, it has left my heart feeling broken for you. I suppose we can choose to live with broken-open hearts or impenetrable, calloused-from-life hearts.

See, I am learning: God plants purpose—dreams—inside of a human, fleshy shell. Full of pride, selfishness, impatience. And the only way to extract the usable kernel of wheat is to crush the whole grain. In that crushing, the chaff separates from the wheat kernel, then the Lord of the Harvest takes that crushed grain and raises it back to life, free from its chaff exterior, ready to be used. 

Fresh Wheat Photo Credit
 
I can get stuck feeling sorry for myself, I can get stuck in my lack of trust—worried if God will ever bring about His promises. I can live so clench-fisted demanding from God. I can pull the covers over my head, refuse to be crushed, cling to my chaff—for really we only see in part and know in part this side of heaven but I refuse to trust that God sees in full and He knows what He is doing.

You see, only one person can attend a pity party. The second someone else shares their story, something magical happens--ministry. I care. You care. I am crushed and clinging to my chaff, and the second you expose your brokenness, I realize I can let go and expose myself too. And when we let go—separate, die to self—God raises back to life.

I want to live a raised-up, full life!

We all have a story. If I can say everyone waits, and God uses waiting to refine, then you all have a story of waiting to tell.

And I wonder? Would you share yours? Would you allow your story to minister?

Could that magical, we-might-be-broken-and-imperfect-and-still-working-out-our-wait-yet-so-full-of-grace ministry happen here?


Here's my thought:

Will you share your story in 200 words or less and slip it into my email box? You may choose to be anonymous or you may choose to share your name. (I will not share anything other than what you have given me permission to share.) I will put a post up, maybe a few depending on how many stories I get, sharing your stories—like 5 or so at a time.

If you are a blogger and want your own readers to hear your story too, I will provide a link up for you to use. Have your post ready next Tuesday, the link up will go live at 8am, PST (provided I encounter no technological glitches). (If you are linking up, that 200 word rule doesn't apply to you—and how many bloggers could keep it anyways?! Ha!)

  • I want your imperfect stories of how you are waiting. It’s okay if you find your wait hard! It’s okay if your wait isn’t “super traumatic," and it's okay if it is too. It’s okay if your story is messy! Just tell YOUR story.

  • I want your redeemed stories of a time you waited and saw God show up. Encourage us that are in the midst of our waits!

  • I would even love an encouraging letter to the conquering housewives that starts something like “I want those of you who are waiting on (insert something specific like illness, infertility, wanting to be married, divorce, loss…) to know………..” and share your wisdom and heart with us.

If you have a story that simply cannot fit into 200 words or less, that's okay! Send it anyways! Just know, if for some odd reason I have a huge influx of 1000 word emails it may take me awhile to get to them all and I may not be able to put yours up.
Disclaimer: If for some reason there is a huge influx of letters, I may not be able to put them all up (I am a small blogger, I don’t think this will be a problem… but just in case) Also, I reserve the right to filter what gets placed on this blog. If I feel something is inappropriate, I may choose to not place it up here. Same thing for the link party, if a post is linked that is innaproppriate, I will remove it. I also reserve the right to do any minor editing that may be necessary (like spelling or grammar) before sharing it. (Most likely you will not need to worry about this! :)) 
Also know, when I do share your stories, should a comment appear that is judgmental, mean, or inappropriate I will remove it as soon as I am able (and you are welcome to report it as well). I care more about your hearts and this being a safe-to-be-vulnerable place than I do about "good discussion." Once again, I have never had that issue, but just in case :)



I am so excited for the way God could use this, the way God can use YOU. When we put all that stuff that has been weighing us down into the Light and ask God to use it as it is, something amazing happens. I am so full of expectancy for what God might do!!

We shall be conquering housewives indeed! 

xo
Amanda 

Email me: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com


Okay so quick recap of this post:
  1. Ministry happens when we share our stories with each other.
  2. Write me an email telling me your waiting story? Or write a blog post and link it up here?
  3. Email me your story by Tuesday, October 2, 2012. Link party will go live at 8am, PST on Tuesday, October 2.
  4. Come back here to read stories of waiting. I am planning on sharing through Friday, October 5, but may go longer if necessary. 
Oh, and on a totally unrelated sidenote, I have gotten a little better at Twitter. Follow me? @conqhousewife I'll follow ya back :)

TWR: When a Dream Sits Half-Completed



I sorta have a thing for the story of Zerubbabel in the Bible. For one, it’s an amazing story of God’s redeeming power. For two, that name—Zerubbabel—what were his parents thinking?? In case you are unfamiliar with the man—Zerubbabel, and his story—let me give you a run-down (By the way, if you should want to read it for yourself it’s found in the books of Ezra, Zechariah, and Haggai). Zerubbabel was a direct descendant in the line of King David—this is important; it made him governor. He, along with Ezra and a large group of Jews, returned to Jerusalem to rebuild the Temple. Everything started off fine. They had favor. They had supplies. They had high spirits. They poured the foundation, raised the walls… they get to about the halfway point, when all of a sudden opposition arises. The temple rebuilding is ordered to be stopped. So it did. And it sat, uncompleted for 14 years. 

I imagine the way that uncompleted project must have tormented Zerubbabel. The way it must have felt like failure. This dream—this life’s call—to see the temple of the Lord rebuild, and there it sat half done.

But then, after 14 years, God spoke through the prophet Zechariah and said, “’It’s not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord God of Hosts. ‘What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain; and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of “Grace, grace to it!”… The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this house, and his hands will finish it. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent me to you’” (Zech. 4:6-9). Not too long after this prophecy, a new decree was issued, and the work immediately resumed. A few years later and the half-completed temple was brought to a full completion. It took 20 years from the first brick to the last one, but God finished what he started in Zerubbabel.

Photo by Microsoft. Words added.

I think sometimes we need one thousand reminders that God is Faithful, that He finishes what He starts, that even though you may have laid some dreams aside—so you could go to college, start a family, help your husband, take care of a sick relative—God will finish what He started in you. The Bible says, “For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance” (Romans 11:29). God didn’t decide to call you—put this dream in your heart and have you start working towards it—only to decide after some kid of life happened, just kidding, your done now, let’s take back those gifts. Nope! But the Bible is abundantly clear that pauses, waits, unforeseen detours are all a part of the process. And those pauses, waits, and unforeseen detours are no thing to God. The second God said that temple would be rebuilt by His power, guess what? Decree was no thing. God did it. Whether you are in a different season of your life or you are facing a roadblock, it is no thing to God.

God is abundantly able to finish that work, that hope, that dream in you. And you can strive, try your hardest to make it happen yourself, or go down feeling defeated, but the thing is, “It’s not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit.” When it’s time, God will make the way. In fact, God is making the way now. God will finish what He started in you. Bottom line: You need to trust Him.  

You CAN trust Him.

I thought I would leave you with 2 more verses I have found comfort in as I wait:

Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent;
Has He said, and will He not do it?
Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

 Photo by my super talented friend, KatieFewellPhotography. Used with Permission.

Habakkuk 2:3 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time;
It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
For it will certainly come, it will not delay."

(I love that last verse! You?)

Tomorrow, I will be posting an announcement for something that has been on my heart. 

Thursday I will have the last post I have written for The Waiting Room ready for you. It's gonna be good. :)

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sitting with me in The Waiting Room. Waiting is always easier in the company of friends. :)
xo
Amanda




In case you missed the other parts of the series and want to get caught up, here are the links:
And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!). I love getting emails too: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com. 
Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed or subscribing by email to have my posts put nicely into your email box? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook?



TWR: How Waiting Can Be Strength



I can’t even tell you how many times when I think of waiting, I think of the verse, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like an eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary" (Isaiah 40:31) In fact, because I grew up in a fairly old-fashioned (i.e. we had hymnals) Pentecostal church, I always hear this verse in song (Hymn number 145, I think?). I find waiting tiring, so this verse has baffled me. How is there strength in waiting?

I am a wrestler. Not in the sense that I put on one of those strange suits that draw far too much attention to one’s crotch (seriously though! Lol) and grapple on a mat with someone else. I wrestle God. I may sense His voice telling me to wait, but I want to try my hardest to makes things happen now. I sorta stink at waiting. 

I get restless. I don’t know how to sit still. I want living, physical, actual proof that God is working out His plans. I want to know not only what today looks like, but each day to the end of my life.

I think of when I wanted to be married, but it wasn’t time yet. Everywhere I went, every young man I came across, God would hear my squirrel-mind going something like this: “Him, God? He’s cute. What about him, God. He’s not as cute, but he’s seems really smart. No, wait, look at that one, God. Yes, I will take that one.” My hyper-active, boy-crazy mind had to drive God crazy. I depleted my strength running through future possibilities, because bottom line, I didn’t trust God enough that He would bring His promises to pass. I thought that I needed to work them out for Him. God doesn’t need our help with His promises.

Proverbs says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life” (13:12, NLT). Deferred means put-off, delayed, or postponed. And it’s true, right? Our heart feels sick when our hope, our dream, gets put-off or laid aside. When we accomplish a dream, our soul fills with the hot air that lifts us right off the ground… kind of feels like soaring… like an eagle.

So, how is it that God can say, “They that wait…strength…eagles…run…??” What am I missing about waiting?!

A couple months back my daughter got a balloon while at church. She was so excited. A pink balloon! I offered to tie the string around her wrist so she wouldn’t lose the balloon when we went outside. I tried explaining how it could fly away, and how as much as she wanted to hold it, it would still be attached to her if I tied the balloon to her wrist. She wouldn’t let me. She didn’t want to let go of the balloon. Sure enough, about five seconds after we got outside, one pink balloon went sailing for the clouds.

The word wait used in this verse is the Hebrew word qavah. This little word is actually used to describe strength. It refers to the idea of tying a rope around something and holding tightly to it. When God asks us to wait, he isn’t asking us to give up our dream. He’s asking us to let go of it, to free up our hands for what He has purposed for us to do right now. But there’s still that rope of promise, that God will be faithful to accomplish what He said He would. So, like I tried to do with my daughter’s balloon, tie that rope of God's promise around your dream. Fasten it to your wrist. And wait.

Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis, my words added :)

I think when we are asked to wait it feels a little like rejection. You aren’t good enough. You’ll never amount to anything. We want to throw the dream away entirely. Waiting isn’t rejection and it isn’t ceasing to hope. “Hope [put off] makes the heart sick.” You need to keep your hope ON. Perhaps you can’t physically work towards your dream right now, but God is surely working on you and that dream so that when it’s time to hold it your hands, you will have become the person that is able to walk in that dream. Waiting is for becoming. Keep that dream close. Tie it around your wrist and TRUST God’s faithfulness.

Trust.

Waiting is Trusting.

When you place your trust in God, when you stop striving to make the dream happen, or take off the rejection you’ve been wearing… I think you do get that renewed strength. At least I want to try this out. What if I chose to recognize that now just simply isn’t time for the dream in my heart? What if I chose to recognize that my hands need to be busy with the two little one’s that call me Momma? What if I chose to live here and now, instead of 10 years from now? What if I didn’t have to know what tomorrow looked like, I was just happy with today and hoping in tomorrow?

What if I trusted God? Really trusted Him?

Would I “mount up with wings like an eagle and soar…” even while I am waiting?

I want to find out. :)
You?


Thanks for sitting with me in The Waiting Room. Waiting is always easier in the company of friends. :)
xo

Amanda

In case you missed the other parts of the series and want to get caught up, here are the links:
And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!). I love getting emails too: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com. 
Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed or subscribing by email to have my posts put nicely into your email box? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook?

Sharing this here: Denise in Bloom
 

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TWR: For When Your Dreams Feel Crushed {A Guest Post}



Since entering this blogging world and realizing what a beautiful community it can be, I have been praying for a writing/blogging/mommy friend. A couple months ago someone commented on a post I wrote, and God said, "Her." I looked at her blog and saw what a sister she was. God prompted me to email her and ask her to guest post for this series. True to classic Amanda form, I ignored that prompting because I was too freaked out. Probably just me and my silly ideas. A few weeks later she wrote a post that touched my heart and confirmed that God really had been prompting me to reach out. I emailed her and we have been friends since. Turns out, she lives close enough to meet up with... so naturally, we did meet up! I feel like I met my blogging doppleganger! She has a similar heart, is an absolute sweetheart, has two littles of her own, and is incredibly real. I know you will like what she writes!

So, I would now like to introduce you to my friend, Jacqui from Faith and Simplicity. She's got a post for The Waiting Room on crushed dreams.
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The Resurrection of Crushed Dreams


Before the sun went down, in the calm of the evening, I pulled out my pruners and went to trimming my cosmos. It’s been long overdue. And as I clipped away, praying and thinking, my mind dwelt on the Sovereignty of God.

And I thought about growth, waiting, and dreams.
Crushed dreams to be more blunt.

I have had my share of heartbreak as cancer ravaged the body of my first husband, consequently taking his life. As well as other heartaches, that have left me distraught...questioning.

And the anguish of each loss has never gotten easier.
In fact, the same temptations to abandon my trust in God’s lovingkindness arise each time as confusion swirls, anxiety clamors, and the ugly face of anger gnashes its teeth.

My heart cries...unsettled.
But the voice of wisdom whispers, “Wait. Don’t act now!”

Truthfully, I don’t do waiting well.
There comes a point when I sit fidgeting, eager for something to happen. Or I stand pacing, anxious to create some kind of movement.

But as Amanda has already said, there is a purpose for it.
Ultimately, it’s for our growth.
And growth means change.

And change doesn’t appeal to this girl who loves to get comfortable on the couch, sinking into its cushions uninterrupted. Change can’t tempt when I’m cuddled in plushness.

But when God crushes my dreams, when God calls me to wait, an internal war wages...disrupting my ease.

My heart seeks the back door.
My heart seeks something other than what I’ve been given or not given.

Romans 5:3-4 says, “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

The trials we face push and pull, stretch and tighten, as faith works itself out in our souls. And if we keep our hearts moldable in the hands of the potter God, resisting the desire to lurch from His spinning wheel (simply because we trust Him), a work of beauty will shape and form.

Character produced. Hope in spite.

And we’ll find ourselves on the other side of hard. We’ll find ourselves changed.

And when we choose to focus on the blessings of the change, we’ll find the temptation of the old couch a little less desirable. Our eyes will suddenly behold the tattered fabric and the lumpy cushions.  And this new place, once masked with fear, will suddenly be good, acceptable, perfect.

We’ll have grown.
We’ll have matured.
And just like the cosmos I clipped and shaped this evening, we’ll be ready for the next bloom.

I love Paul’s heart-cry in Philippians 3:10, “That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.”

Our sovereign and great God will use every last bit of our crushing. We can be confident in that as we enter into this deep, satisfying relationship that’s emptied of self! And in His perfect timing, the old dream or possibly a new one, will sprout in the fresh, rich soil of a broken heart.

Then, His voice will come softly, saying, “It’s time, child of Mine.”
And in humility, we can finally respond, “Yes, Lord, but not as I will... as You will.”

That is the purpose of crushed dreams.
That is the purpose of waiting.
And that is the beauty of a heart surrendered. 

..................................................................................................................................
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Jacqui, dear Jesus-sister. Crushed dreams is not exactly an easy topic, and you wrote about it so beautifully. You spoke right to my soul.

If you have a chance, do check out her blog: Faith and Simplicity. I know you will be encouraged and inspired by the words she writes there.

In case you missed the other parts of the series and want to get caught up, here are the links: 

I will see you all back here on Thursday for the next post in the series.

And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!). I love getting emails too: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com. 
Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed or subscribing by email to have my posts put nicely into your email box? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook?


Thank you dear friends for coming and sitting with me in The Waiting Room. It's so much easier to wait in the company of friends :)

Amanda

TWR: Tied Feet



Welcome to The Waiting Room once again, friends! In case you missed the previous posts in the series, here they are: 

Today's post will again touch on motherhood, but I have a feeling it applies to other "waiting rooms" too. :)

...................................................................

 
A few months ago, I read a post that talked about an Indian proverb: “Children tie the feet of their mother.”

 
It doesn’t take long for a new mother to realize the truth in this matter. Take, for example, vacuuming: I pick up the room, put away toys. While I am putting away toys, Jed is dragging out more toys. I am now faced with a daunting decision: do I stop him from pulling out more toys so I have less physical work, or do I let him play with the toys so he is contented while I clean even though it means more work for me?? (I usually just let him play.) As soon as the room is picked up, I pull out the vacuum. The kids are immediately excited (I am not sure why, but the vacuum has some kind of magical hold over them). Addy tells me that it’s her turn and she’s going to be my helper before I have even gotten the plug into the wall. Jed plops down right in front of the vacuum and starts an experiment to see how loud of a noise his hand can make on the front of the vacuum… I haven’t even started vacuuming, but I have a feeling you can already see that my figurative feet are tied, slowed down.

Often when we find ourselves in a season of waiting, it’s because our lives are tied up in something, busy. I have talked about capacity before; its definition basically boils down to your God-appointed maximum amount that you can take on. The more weight something has in your life, the less room there is for other things.  You might like to do some of the things you are deeply passionate about, but perhaps you have small children that keep you from being able to do very much at all. “Children tie the feet of their mother.”

In the post I had read about children tying the feet, the writer talks about sacrifice. How, in fact, Jesus was bound. I am learning to serve my children, to sacrifice, to love them as Jesus has loved me.

But I think it’s more than learning sacrifice. I think of people who have had to live life missing one of their 5 senses, how the other senses get stronger to compensate for the missing sense. I think of how I had heard of a quadriplegic who learned to paint with his mouth and got quite good at it. Perhaps it is that in this waiting season, this too-busy-for-your-other-dreams moment, this feet-tied life with infants, you are learning to use your other muscles.

I have always stunk at organization, but with 2 littles and a desire to write, I don’t have a choice other than to learn organization. I have always been a bit socially awkward and not the best keeper-upper of friendships, but I desperately need support in this season of my life. I am learning to be friendlier and a better friend. (Tangent: Can you picture how much a mom would need other people to lean on if her feet are in fact tied?? Make time for friends dear mommy-readers!)

And here is the best part: in having our hands and feet tied, in busyness, we are forced to trust God. Like the disabled person that learns to use other muscles or other senses, we learn to trust God. We find our Strength.

When we are busy, we feel weighted down. We worry we won’t accomplish all we need to, and that it won’t be done with excellence. Deep down in this mother heart, I worry, oh how I worry, that I will fail my children, fail God, just completely and utterly suck at it all. I am finding that it’s not really a question of how much do I love my kids, or how much am I willing to lay down my life for them. I love them!I am here in this waiting season attempting to reconcile my heart to reflect what God wants me to do here and now, and only here and now, because I do love them and would do anything for them. So, "will I sacrifice?" is not the question. The question is, "How do I trust that God is with me, that God will see me through this, that I can’t do it all but He can??? That I won’t fail miserably at parenting and never see my dreams accomplished? That in Him, I am enough, and have enough?"


 “For of his fullness we have all received and grace upon grace” John 1:16.

God gives us His fullness—the filler in our gaps—the strength in our weakness.

God gives us His fullness—in the busy seasons—in the seasons where you feel like you are failing miserably at everything.

When your feet are tied, you don’t have much choice but to trust Him. And His Grace… oh, His grace upon grace… how He covers us, our kids, our dreams, and gives us far more than we deserve!

He is good.

Amen.

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Maybe we can encourage each other... How are your feet tied?? How do you feel slowed down??
And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!). I just installed a new comment manager so that I could more easily reply to you and you could encourage one another.  Fingers crossed it works. If you hate it or can't figure it out, do let me know and I will change it or take some time to explain it! I love getting emails too: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com. 
Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed or subscribing by email to have my posts put nicely into your email box? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook?
See ya on Tuesday for the next post in The Waiting Room Series!
 
Lots of love to you-- all the beautiful conquering housewives!
xo
Amanda



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TWR: When You Feel Especially Ugly While Waiting...


Hello Friends! Welcome back to The Waiting Room. I am stunned at how much God is working in my life in this area. Even though the series is pretty much written, every day I feel like God keeps talking to me, reminding me of the things I had already written down. This stuff applies to so much! Waiting is so HARD... but this search for God's perspective on waiting is changing my life.


Just in case you missed the first parts of the series, I will leave the links for you. 


Today I have a post that talks a lot about motherhood and what the waiting can be for, but really it can apply to any time you find your self waiting... I just happen to be a mother so this is the experience I am able to speak from.
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I have a son that is drawn to my garbage bin and my dirty clothes hamper. 

Yuck!

A few months back I was anticipating company. I had been in the kitchen loading the dishwasher, scrubbing those pots and pans. I hear a knock at the door. Company! Friends! I let them in, and, as I lead them into the living room, I spot a train of dirty laundry. First, a pair of my chonies (horror of horrors); followed by a pair of Michael’s shorts; a grubby, Addy’s-been-into-Papa’s-cherries t-shirt; and last, but certainly not least, my bra. It should be noted that of all the items in that hamper, the bra is the item I got the most embarrassed over. I may be willing to share my pants size or the number produced when I step on the scale (by the way, that’s kind of a sketchy “may be willing”), but I am definitely not willing to divulge my bra size. I have always felt a little awkward with what seem like oversized bosoms to me attached to my body. 

Jed—the resident, dirty-laundry dust sprinkling fairy—pulled out my insecurity and flung it across the carpet.

I picked up every item on the floor in one fell swoop and made some joke about the situation to my friends. It was fine. But it got me thinking.

Kids drag it all out of us.

If you have a dream you are waiting on, parent or not, I can pretty much guarantee that during that waiting season someone will drag out your ugly. Maybe someone joins your team at work that just gets under your skin, maybe someone gets the promotion or the recognition you feel you deserve, maybe you catch yourself gossiping about your next door neighbor that drives a beamer, lives in a bikini, and has countless lovers. Or hey. Maybe you just have kids. 

I never realized I was a yeller, until I had a four year old ask me the same question 20 times in a whiny voice that begins to sound like a cheese grater on a chalkboard after the 5th time.  I am learning patience.

I never realized that my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, loosely-scheduled, free-spirited ways could have such a profoundly negative effect on children (and my own sanity). I am learning organization.

I never realized the power fear had on my life till I began to imagine the unspeakable horrors that could happen to my children... the way I can just become racked with worry and find myself not wanting to just trust God with my kids. I am learning peace.

I never realized how much I needed God’s grace. I think I have to apologize almost daily for some parenting misstep. The feeling of exasperation that parenting (or a difficult person or circumstance) occasionally leads us to drags out all our ugly. Ugly I never knew I had. Ugly that forces me to fall at the feet of Jesus. Ugly that makes me cry out for help, for grace, for transformation.

And I am transforming.

Kids drag it all out of us.

But God is working on us. Preparing us. It’s not just so we can be better parents, otherwise our lives would end when our chickies leave the nest. That dream in your heart… the one that you put on hold for your family, He’s preparing you for that too. The glorious journey of parenthood—the failures and triumphs, the spills and kisses, the missteps and hallelelujah-chorus, light-bulb moments when our kids get it and we explained it just right—it’s not just for our kids, it’s for us too. God is able to use it all for their good. God is able to use it all for our good too.



Can I just submit this thought? Perhaps it is that whatever waiting room you have found yourself in is the perfect training ground for your dreams?

I guess I never thought of it like that. I thought parenting was some totally separate dream in my heart. That it really had nothing to do with all the other dreams. Wrong. Turns out I need my kids just as much as they need me.

The simple act of having to wait for an unknown length of time shapes our trust and our patience. I never knew how little I trusted God and how impatient I actually was till I had to offer up my dreams and wait. It’s all getting dragged out.

But, I can see it (and maybe my friends can too—this is where accountability is a beautiful thing) and I can place it all in the hands of the One who knows just how to mold and shape my life—for the present, for the future— 

For eternity.

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Maybe we can encourage each other... What kind of ugly is being dragged out of you right now??


And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!) and anonymous comments are perfectly acceptable! I also love getting emails: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com.
Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed or subscribing by email to have my posts put nicely into your email box? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook? 
See ya on Thursday for the next post in The Waiting Room Series!
 
Lots of love to you-- all the beautiful conquering housewives!
xo

Amanda

Happy to be linking up with:  Mommy Moments, Motivating Monday, Titus 2 Tuesdays, Women Living Well

TWR: Waiting is... Dying?!?



Welcome back to The Waiting Room! In case you missed the rest of the series here are the links:

And now to jump right in: :)



Christianity is based on the simple yet complicated truth that Jesus died and rose again.

Jesus died on the cross and in 3 days He was raised up from the grave.

In order to be a follower of Christ, one must die and be raised back up. 

“Unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God” (John 3:3, NLT).

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Matt 16:24, NLT).

And if I am honest, I would prefer to not think about this one. It’s hard. Dying? Really? 

Too bad for me and my comfort zone, God is talking to me about just this.

See, I have dreams. Big ones. Ones I am not quite ready to commit to print, but I will say this writer wants to see a book published and this girl who has a big heart for the church and people wants to lead a ministry. With the birth of each of my children I took a step back from leading ministry. And now with my husband in a demanding schooling program and on the brink of stepping into his dream that could land us, well, anywhere within the confines of California, I am almost completely unable to serve in any capacity. I look back on what I used to do, the job titles I used to wear... all of that stuff made me feel important. Can I admit to you, how much I miss it? How pathetically human and all about me I can be?

I am finding that I am restless and, dare I even admit, discontent. I don’t want to just sit still and love on my family. I want more.

Perhaps this makes me rotten. It’s not that I don’t love my family. I DO! I am just struggling through this season of my life that leaves me with little capacity to do much else besides wife and mother.

Perhaps you are there too? Maybe you have had to step away from dreams, or a job, or a place that made you feel important. Maybe you were someone important, or the assistant of someone important, or you put on events, or you got employee of the month at least once a year… You willingly chose to become a domestic diva and lovingly raise children of your own, feeling it your high calling and now you sit amongst spit-up, scrubbing Oxy-clean into accidents on the carpet, and providing breakfast, lunch and dinner plus 2 healthy snacks in between to a group of people that can never provide you with the affirmation and praises you desire for all that you do, well… besides that World’s Best Mother badge that comes in the Hallmark card once a year.

Perhaps, motherhood isn’t what put your dreams on hold? Perhaps it’s something else: a mundane job that you need to make ends meet, an unsupportive spouse, circumstances beyond your control like infertility or illness, or maybe it’s just straight-up not time for your dreams to be pursued.

I have been wrestling. I am fighting God. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to leave my dreams alone. I want to hold on to what used to be. I don’t want to move forward. I am afraid. Without realizing it, I am closing my hand and throwing my fist at God, and telling Him this isn’t good enough.

I don’t want to let go of my dreams. I don’t want to die. 

And here it is: 

 “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24, NASB).

In order to produce fruit, the wheat kernel must be stuck down deep in the earth and covered with soil in the fall, lie dormant through the winter, and in spring it will be raised back up to life. (And by the way, from one wheat seed a stalk grows that has roughly 50 kernels on it.)

In order for my dreams to come to pass, I need to let go of them, place them in the Hands of the One who is able to handle them, and wait for Him to raise them back up. 

It’s time for my dreams to die. 

It’s time to let go of them, place them in God’s hands, and allow Him to do what He will with them. I have an inkling as indicated in the word of God that these dreams will come back to me, but I also know that I have to be okay if they don’t. I have to die. 

Wait.

Wait for the next season of my life and watch God raise those dreams to life.

I am dying so that I may be raised up again.

“Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal” (John 12:24, MESS emphasis added).

Letting go. Totally not easy. But I am thinking of the handsome man and the 2 little ones that I want to love recklessly. 

I want to love them recklessly.

Recklessly abandon the dreams that are most dear to me so that I can do what is purposed for me to do in this season of my life. Love. Recklessly.

And God. Yeah, I want to love Him recklessly too. Give all to him. [Learn to]Trust Him.

The same Him who “is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph 3:20 AKJV).

Yeah, that Him.

So here begins the journey. The waiting. The winter to the wheat kernel. The waiting room to the doctor’s visit. But this time is so much more than just raising children (or insert whatever it is that you are doing in this season of your life). It’s so much more than just waiting or pausing. It’s not about biding your time or just getting through it. (And oh, friends, please let’s discover the purpose of this season lest we “just get through it” and look back one day and realized we missed it.) Remember, Tuesday’s post? Waiting is Becoming! We can bury our dream in God. We can! And as only He is able, He will raise it back up to life.

I'd love to hear from you, what has you feeling like you are waiting? 

And as a reminder, I love comments (I love hearing from you!) and anonymous comments are perfectly acceptable! I also love getting emails: conqueringhousewife{at}the-cadence{dot}com.

Like what you read here? Consider subscribing to this blog's feed? Or join all the conquering housewives on facebook?

See you back here on Tuesday! We will start looking at the purposes of waiting.

xo
Amanda


linking up with: Titus 2 Tuesdays, Ann at A Holy Experience, Women Living Well

The Waiting Room: You're NOT Waiting...

Welcome to the first day of The Waiting Room Series! (I'm just a little excited... okay, a lot excited) If you missed the introduction, do check it out.


Perhaps this isn’t the best way to dive into a series, but sometimes it helps to know you are not the only one, to know that this is the way it’s supposed to be, before you find the plan behind it all. So here it is.

We were made to wait.

Modern day success stories are full of waiting.
  • The President of the United States must be at least 35 years old to serve. The youngest we have ever had is JFK, and he was 43 at his first Inauguration. 
  • Nelson Mandela spent 27 in prison before being released and becoming the first democratically elected black president in South Africa. 
  • Dana Vollmer, 2012 Olympic gold medalist and world record setter in the butterfly, failed to make the team in 2008. She had to wait 4 years to try again, this time able to win gold. 
{There are many, many more; this is just what I had time to research ;)}

The Bible is full of waiting.
  • Abraham waited for a son—his promise from God for a lineage as vast as the stars, till he was old and it was no longer humanly impossible for him to have a child. 
  • Jacob waited for the woman he loved—for 14 years while working hard for a deceitful future father-in-law. 
  • Joseph waited for his dreams to take place—while being sold into slavery, working as a servant and later a prisoner. 
  • The Israelites waited for a redeemer to lead them out of the bonds of slavery in Egypt. 
  • The Israelites waited 80 years in the wilderness before getting to their Promised Land. 
  • Caleb waited over 40 years to receive his promise—he waited with grumblers and complainers when he was one of two who actually got it right, who actually trusted God. 
  • Hannah waited for a child—while being mocked for her barrenness. 
  • David waited around 20 years to be King over all Israel. 
  • Jesus waited till he was 30 to begin his ministry. 
By the way, these are just a few examples. Just about every person in the Bible had to wait for something.

I love the way John Ortberg puts it: “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.” Waiting isn’t for torture. Waiting isn’t God’s cruel way of dangling that one thing you want most in front of you and saying “Neener! Neener! You can’t have it.” Waiting isn’t a giant pause button that gets hit over your life. Waiting is for becoming—becoming the woman God wants you to be. Waiting is a tool for refinement in the Master’s hand.

David was anointed king over Israel as a young boy, and no doubt, as he stood surrounded by his older brothers looking at him, perhaps even a bit jealous of him, David wondered at the mystery of it all and a dream was born in his heart. King of Israel. But David didn’t put on a crown and begin ruling that day—he was anointed King. God made his plans known. And David spent 20 years becoming the King of Israel. As he learned to trust God, as he learned to fight, as he married a princess, as he obtained faithful subjects and mighty men of valor… David spent 20 years in the thick of trials (many of those years spent running for his life). David wasn’t waiting to be King. David was becoming King. 

You are becoming too.

I love the simple line Ann Voskamp says in her book, One Thousand Gifts, “We see God in rear view mirrors.” It’s hard to see how God is working to make the way out ahead of us. It’s hard to see the way God can use and is using everything. But it’s so easy to look back and see all the ways God was faithful, the way He prepared us for where we are today, the way he put certain people in our path, the way He opened the right doors and closed the wrong ones and how grateful we can be for it.

It’s easy to look at other’s lives, their successes, the way they are where we want to be, and see how they became—see how God faithfully molded and shaped them. We see God in rearview mirrors. But I say, you too are becoming. God is working it out in you. Or do you not know how precious you are to Him? How much He loves you? How He sees the masterpiece in all your flaws? You may want to compare; stop. You may want to be fully arrived; stop. The Master is at work—the artist at the sculpture, the chrysalis for the butterfly…

You aren’t waiting. You are becoming. 



I would love to know, what are you “waiting” on? What are the dreams in your heart that you are believing for? I would love to pray with you. {We would love to pray with you… I have a feeling many of the conquering housewives would love to pray with you as we encourage each other through our season of “becoming”} If you would like to be anonymous, I gladly accept anonymous comments... (just be sure to not include a URL if you post anonymously, blogger marks it as spam).

If you like this post, consider subscribing to my feed via feedburner, GFC or email? Don't want to subscribe, that's okay! The Waiting Room posts will be up every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of September. Do you know someone that may need to hear the words spoken here?? Consider sharing this post? My blogging/writing friends, you are welcome to use the buttons in the right column. :)

Looking forward to learning how to wait BECOME with you, friends!

xo
Amanda

The Waiting Room: An Announcement and A Call to Live Fully (When You Feel Like You Are Waiting)


I have been struggling.


See, I love being a mom. It’s been a dream of mine dating back to dollies and tea parties. And more than a dream, I love those two children that came with the dream so much more than the fulfillment of the dream. I love their big personalities, their small hands, their mispronunciations (like how my daughter calls granola bars “tuna bars”) their “rub-it-in-and-keep-it-forever” slobber kisses, reading stories, mischievous grins, holding their eyes in my gaze and the way they are so happy to look back into my eyes, “Stacks on mom and dad!”… I love my kids!

But sometimes I live tired. Between the disciplining, the diaper changes, the spills in the carpet, the packing up 2 small children and the diaper bag and carrying it to the car, the housekeeping, the cooking, the grocery shopping, the relentless whiney questions, the ignored instructions, and the way I feel I will never be able to shower or pee by myself again… this woman feels like her life has come to a grinding halt. There might be dreams in my heart beyond being a parent, but with only 24 hours in a day and small children that take up most of those hours, it’s just simply not time to pursue those dreams.

I’m waiting.

Last month, I spent an hour in a waiting room at my son’s pediatrician’s office—an hour of feeling my calm resolve deplete as I pulled Addy off the magazine table, followed Jed around the waiting room, took Addy to the bathroom, worried over the germs my kids might be touching, tried to keep them both happy and occupied… When the nurse at long last called our name, the “Hallelujah” chorus rang through my mind. We survived the wait! Then, she took Jed’s temperature, checked his measurements, and placed us in a room to wait for the doctor for another 45 minutes—a room with a swivel chair, an expensive computer, zero toys, and no Disney movie. Our wait was not over; it may have even gotten worse. I still needed my already-depleted calm resolve as I continued to wait with 2 active, small kids.
 
In this life, at some point or another, you will feel like you are waiting.

And, let’s face it, you probably struggle with not liking the wait too.

There are all sorts of things that can make you feel like you are waiting: a desperate and seemingly hopeless search for Mr. Right, attending a schooling program so you can get a good job, a super slow do-they-really-want-to-fill-that-position?! hiring process, a frustrating home-buying experience, a month-to-month stare at a pee-stick wishing a plus sign would appear, a financial “drought,” an illness, recovery from an illness, a deep period of grief and loss, or “life just happening” unexpectedly. And that doesn’t include the little “waits,” you know, the waiting in long lines, waiting in doctor’s offices, waiting in dmv’s, waiting for test results, waiting for a reply… We do a whole lot of waiting in this life.

I look back to my life before kids and all that I was able to accomplish. I look at the titles I wore, the verbal appreciation, the way I worked hard and had something to show for it. As much as I love being a mom, I miss all that stuff. I feel unappreciated. I feel frustrated with the way that I clean while my kids make a different mess. The messes never stop. And I think I accomplish nothing. I have been struggling.

But I am also a relentless question asker (and I wonder where my daughter gets it from?!) I have been asking God how to live here and now. FULLY live here and now. How to not JUST survive. Because I have a feeling that even though I feel like I am waiting for my life to begin again, I am living life. I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to live it poorly. I don’t want to squander the years of my children’s small preciousness because I am discontent, because I feel like I am waiting. For my sake, their sake, for my husband’s sake, I need God’s help!

Fortunately, God’s been talking to me. I’ve been writing it down.

See, God wants to do BIG things in our lives and hearts when we are living in those seasons where we feel like we are waiting.

Waiting is so FULL of purpose.

I want to know what the purpose of NOW is. I want to fulfill my purpose, my “for such a time as this.” And I want to be content with it. Joy FULL when it feels like my dreams are paused because, really, I AM living right now, and I can be living FULL of Joy.

It feels a little crazy to be admitting all of this. But I know I am not the only one.

I hear the struggle when I talk to my friends that have young children. I hear the struggle when I talk to someone heading into a major surgery that means a long recovery. I hear the struggle when a woman has spent over a year trying to get pregnant and a lifetime wanting to bring life into this world. 

How do I trust God when I don’t see my dreams happening?

How? 

How!

We are going there for the entire month of September. God has been speaking to me, answering these questions and I feel compelled to share it with you. This is an ongoing conversation. I have not fully arrived, and while I would normally say one should not attempt to share from where they are still struggling, I just feel this stirring that I can’t shake. It’s too important for me, for you, to learn how to trust God here and now with everything. Who wants to squander the one life they have to live? Miss the purposes they were created for? I feel weighed down with a message that I have to share. And because I have not arrived, perhaps we can help each other get there??

If this pricks at you, even a little bit, consider coming back every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of September. I have seven nuggets to share with you, plus, I even have a guest post (my first ever guest post! From someone I think you will adore and whose words will encourage you!) I [most likely] will be putting all other posts on hold for the month of September. If you just like my recipes and projects or my gift counting pictures, don’t worry, they should resume after September.

Could I also challenge you to join me (US!—all the conquering housewives) on facebook? (<---a place I love to conversate.) I need you, we need you, and, perhaps, you need us. Let’s encourage each other together!

Let’s learn how to FULLY live!

Let’s ENJOY the waiting room we might feel we are in! (Maybe even change our perspective??)

Let’s get that “Insight and Encouragement for the Seasons of Waiting”

Looking forward to learning with you!

xo
Amanda



Might I humbly ask you to invite your friends if you feel so compelled? A facebook share? A tweet? Or maybe even grab a button?


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Linking Up Here:
Motivating Monday Link Up at CEO of Me